Funny Matters.

Ohhhhh....myyyyy....Gooooodddddd......

If you are going to commit a crime, I always say make sure it involves sex. Not like rape or anything – that shit’s not cool. But stealing some home porno tapes is well worth 2 years of unsupervised probation in my book – as long as you can copy those fuckers and keep them for future reference.

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You cant see it, but her asshole is prolapsed

I knew a guy who fell on a tent stake and it created a new, independent asshole, right next to his existing one. This fella had 2 assholes – but he was straight – so that second, virgin asshole went unfucked. I am betting he fingers it on a regular basis, though.

Is there any better type of porn site than one that features chicks getting their shit-tunnels bored out?  I mean – talk about power!  You are never more powerful over someone than when your rod is wedged firmly into the depths of her wheezing asshole.

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Artist's rendering of girl dragged home from bar.

Every single morning that I have woken up in my adult life, I have jerked off before I’ve left the bed. The only day that I didn’t was 9-11, and that had nothing to do with the tragedy. Well, it did, but not the big tragedy. It was my own, personal tragedy of waking up with a rotten bitch that I had apparently dragged home (literally) from the bar the night before. Her cunt made my bedroom smell of ammonia. My eyes were watering too hard to beat off.

Good thing for me I keep a laptop right by my bed so I can get some primo whacking material from Wanted List every morning.

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I'd also pay this lady to give me head.

What would you do if you had a million dollars? Who knows – maybe you already do have a million dollars, and you are spending it on internet porn. If so, thanks for visiting Porny Little Devil and let me know if I can get you anything.

Me? I’d hire an artist to paint the front of my house exactly like a vagina opening.  Fuck the Homeowner’s Association!  Oh – and I’d buy 2 more of these.

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"I can cut diamonds with these motherfuckers."

It’s already Friday again?  God damn — I’ve got to get up out of this opium den, dust off my trousers and start producing, motherfuckers!

Sometimes I use my cock as a heroin receptacle.  Other times, I beat off with it.  It’s those latter times that I like to stare at a set of perfectly over-sized nipples.  For that, I go here.

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I'd lick her pixels.

Have you ever hammered out knuckle pearls to a cartoon?  You say no — but the stats of this site tell me you’re a fucking liar.  Our anime page is one of the most popular, believe it or not.

So…don’t be ashamed that you beat off to toon poon.  Whack your caricature-loving cock with pride!

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Back dat ass up!

I’m not necessarily a fan of the 69.  I mean, I like to watch it just fine, but performing it is something of a challenge for me, as I am pretty tall and many of my ho’s are shorties.  It’s like try to put a square cock in a round hole — or some shit like that.

Anyhoo, what I AM a big fan of is great amateur porn, and Faith 69 is one of the best, true home made porn starlets that my dick regularly spills to.  Check this shit out.

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I'd give up potato chips to spend one night with that body.

I’m not talking to you, fucker!  I’m talking to Stephanie, of Sex With Stephanie fame.  This freak has possibly the best fucking body of any chick on the internet.  If I was her husband, I’d have a lot of explaining to do at work when I showed up with a rigid cock every day of the week.

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Get off that nip and get on my hog, Woman!

The way I see it, if you force a chick to give you violent head first thing every Monday morning, you have nothing to complain about the rest of the day.  Besides, Sundays are the real days of shit.

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