Tastes like chicken.
The site: porn.com
The price:$4.99 – 3 day trial
The verdict: This is it — the Grandaddy of all porn sites. It is impossible to forget the name, and after you first visit it will be impossible for you to forget the content too! 10 out of 10.
This is the part of the review where I usually tell some funny story or shitty joke. Not this time. This is no laughing matter. This is Porn.com This is big time shit.
The fellers over at Pimp Roll (one of our favorite outfits) just paid like 10 billion Dollars or some shit to buy this domain name. Any hack could use Porn.com as a domain name, throw up a few scabs getting donged by a few beefcakes, and make some cash. But these guys didn’t want to “Settle.” They went the extra mile — then went about 100 more. Very impressive.
The first thing that anyone will notice when they grease up and get on Porn.com is the outstanding clarity and quality of their videos and pictures. Okay — maybe not the *first* thing. That would probably be the stellar stable of split-tails that they have on hand. Their chicks are all rising stars in the biz — Tori Black (one of my favorite brunettes), Mikayla (another one of my favorite brunettes), Hillary Scott, Dani Woodward, Jana Cova, Carli Banks — a star-studded cast to be sure. And that is only 1/1983 of their cast. I’m not kidding — they have over 11,900 porn stars available on this site. UN-FUCKING-REAL.
If you’re anything like me (God save your soul), you can’t get very far into the site without blacking out and “waking up” 20 minutes later with your pants around your ankles, an empty bottle of Jergen’s and a half-smoked square hanging from your lips. But if you have a little more self-control, you will notice that there are literally THOUSANDS of videos available on this site. Check this shit — they have over 4,900 hours of video which apparently is also 1.91 Terabytes (for all you dot com nerds). And those numbers will continue to grow, considering they update this motherfucker every single day of the fucking year. All 366 of them (it’s a leap year, remember?)! My cock is chapped just thinking about that shit.
Oh — and these sumbitches must be crazier than a shit-house rat — not only did they pay 200 billion for this site (or some shit), they are also practically giving away 3 day trials. $5.00 will get you one right now. I did the math, and that is about 1 penny for every 100 hours of porn (I didn’t say I did the math correctly, now did I?). It’s a little money for possibly the best porn site on the internet, that is for sure. Skip the bratwurst and fries today, Tubby, and buy yourself some porn instead.
This is it — the Grandaddy of all porn sites. It is impossible to forget the name, and after you first visit it will be impossible for you to forget the content too!
Visit the site: www.porn.com
