"Prepared for docking, sir!"
I’m so fucking glad I’m not a chick, aren’t you fuckers? I mean — I guarantee you that I’m the type of slut that would take it up the ass. Hard. And then I’d suck that fucking cock like it was snake bit. But man, I sure do hate the taste of shit. And I assume that, no matter how clean you try to be, you still have to taste a little bit of dookie when you take a dick out of your ass and stick it in your own mouth. It’s just physics, man.
I’m gonna go out on a limb and guess that each and every one of these chicks have accidentally tasted their own poo at least once.
Emily Post is rolling over in her grave.
It’s Fri-fucking-day! And you know what that means, right? Well, for you it means feverishly masturbating to Housewife Kelly’s fine ass.
Me? I’ve got to take a break from masturbating. My cock looks like a raw chicken leg that’s been whittled down to the bone with a dull piece of sheet metal, then dipped in a bucket of pig’s blood and mayonnaise.
Sorry...I didn't hear you come in.
I hate bitches with tiny tits. Won’t even speak to ‘em. If I go to the store and some small-tittied bitch asks me, “Can I help you?” I won’t even make eye contact with that cunt. I will stare at the ground and say, “Shut your mouth, leave my presence and go find me the bitch with the biggest tits in the house. Now.” That’s the kind of guy I am. Sometimes they balk, but I explain to them that if they want to even approach human status, there are surgeries that can enhance their breasts. Then, and only then, will they be worthy of my eye contact.
This, on the other hand, is something I really, really like.
Satin sheets and velour pillows = the perfect accoutrements for any trailer bedroom
I gotta tell you — the thought of some white trash skank sitting in her single-wide with a web cam pointed at her waterbed, fingerbanging herself for millions of men to see so that she can afford to send Skylar and Tanner on a Greyhound to Grandmas “for the summer” (read: indefinitely), makes my dick so hard I could cut a diamond in half with it.
And the best of the best, when it comes to cam sites, has to be Private Feeds. Click, grease, whack, repeat.
"Nope! It doesn't look any bigger from this angle."
What’s with all the outdoor fucking lately? I can’t even let my dog out to fetch the paper without him coming back with a Trojan hanging out of his ass. I go to the grocery store and — BAM — people are fucking in the milk cooler. At the bank drive-thru the other day I found a dildo in the vacuum tube. And I recently got an unexpected handy J by a meter maid while I was dropping a quarter in the meter.
Unfortunately, none of the things I just mentioned were caught on film. But this was…
"Whose pussy's like a water cannon? THIS GAL!"
If you are a regular around here, you know that nothing in the world gets me going like a squirter. Nothing. In fact, before I start a long term thing with a chick, I will make her learn to squirt if she doesn’t already know how. If she can’t, she’s in the discard pile. Hell, on Sundays I even pay a Lebanese paraplegic to stand next to me and shoot my dick with a squirt gun while I beat off.
There’s enough pussy water flowing on this site to make FEMA nervous.
