Well, then...give it up, Bitch!
One of the most underrated things in all of sex is a good old Handy J. I once had a co-worker say to me that if a chick is going to give him a hand job, and only a hand job, he’ll pass, “because I can do that myself.”
You know what I said to him? ”Fuck you.” That’s what I said to him. His statement is, to this day, the most ridiculous thing that I have ever heard come out of anyone else’s mouth. Sure, we all like to get our hogs into the foxhole, but getting a hand job from a chick is infinitely better than doing it yourself.
Why? Because I always know what my hand’s next move is going to be. Sometimes I even get in a rut and do the same shit, time after time. Right hand, left hand, cowboy, conventional, off hand ring finger in the butt – POW. Clean up and move on about my business.
With a little lady facing me, using both hands and rubbing that shit on her tits and such – there’s no comparison.
"...aaaaand enter the black dick...stage left..."
Interracial porn. There are few things better on this Earth. Maybe Mexican food. Mexican food is pretty fucking delicious. Led Zeppelin was pretty god damned stellar too. Mexican food and Led Zeppelin are about it, though. Then, it’s Black Dicks, White Chicks.
"Now you go on and remember to wipe completely next time, or you're gonna get it again!"
Everyone likes a good ass whipping, right? I know I sure do. Show me a chick getting her ass beaten to a crimson pulp, and I will show you a guy with a dick harder than gypsum.
The very best ass whipping site that has ever existed is Whipped Ass. It’s lesbian BDSM, for fuck’s sake! You will agree with me, or you will be punished.
I would give up one of my testicles just to be allowed to slip the head of my boner into one of her socks.
I plan to kick the shit out of this week. Fuck this manic Monday cunt shit — I WILL FUCK YOU UP MONDAY! Tuesday, you’d better have clean underwear on, because I’m coming for your fat ass next!
Please support your local cock by checking out these stunningly beautiful women.
Nom, nom, nom, nom...
It’s the end of another smut-filled week for me, so I want to go out with a bang. What better way to put my stamp on this week than to direct you to male strippers – sometimes wearing bear suits — getting sucked off by horny sluts.
Cheers!
Shit won't be so funny once I get my hog up in your guts.
I had a chick ask me one time if I , “liked to watch?” What the fuck kind of question is that? That’s like asking, “Would you like me to stop hitting you in the face with the sharp end of this fucking claw hammer?”
Of course I like to watch. Everyone likes to watch. Never in the history of boners and slits has someone seen a couple of people fucking and said, “EWWWWWWW!!” and ran out of the room. Well, maybe in George Wendt’s house – but you know what I mean.
Watch people fuck.
You'd better get that mouth open...
Don’t you just love that nasty, almost mean look that super hot chicks give when they come up for air while sucking cock? You know – the one that says, “Yeah, that’s right motherfucker. I can suck your soul right through the end of this hog, so you’d better cum a fucking truckload all over my face or I will steal that fucking soul and leave your body an empty shell of bones and wasted dreams.”
You can find that exact look time and again at Amateur Allure – THE best amateur Bj site to ever exist.
I hope her step-son remembered to go to her trailer and feed her pet snake while she was out of town for this audition.
There is nothing better than a white trash slut. I want to make myself perfectly clear here. There is NOTHING — on this Earth, in this solar system, and amongst all of the things ever created — better than a white trash slut. I have spent more time in my life crawling out of trailer windows in the light of the early morning, than most people spend breathing.
Enjoy these trailer sluts.
"Does this tiara make me look fat?"
If you’ve even beat off to porn one time, and don’t know about Wicked pictures, then you are an uninformed asshole. Period.
So repent for your sins, sir. Go to Wicked, buy a little slick time, and spill your tadpoles.
Look ma -- no hands!
Yesterday I was informed by whomever runs this crazy internet thingy that some religion superstar is now following me on Twitter! Something about Awaken To God or some shit. And she even has a doctorate. OOOHHH! AAAHHH!
Anyway, I would like to welcome the good doctor with a healthy dose of destitute pseudo-hookers gagging on over-sized hard-ons and gallons of filthy stranger-cum. Enjoy, Churchie!
And remember — God created all of us in his own image, so apparently he’s up there right now, covered in angel semen and choking back a hard one.