Facials

Swallow Me POV Website Review

by The Caveman (admin)

Swallow Me POV Sample Photo

Well? Open your mouth, Woman!

The site: swallowmepov.com
The price:$29.95/month (recurring)
The verdict: POV is a very nice way to watch porn, and this is a very nice POV site. You need to watch POV somewhere, and if you trust us then we say this is the place to watch it! 9 out of 10.

[rating:9/10] (9/10)
To join, click here:www.swallowmepov.com
POV sites have been around for a long time, but their popularity is surging these days. In case you’re in the dark, POV stands for Point of View, and it refers to the way that the scene is filmed.
They want to put you into the movie as much as possible, so the guy who is doing the fucking actually holds the camera himself. This way, the only thing that you see is the lucky gal, and the dick and legs of the guys. By not seeing the guy’s face/body, you can more easily imagine that you are actually that guy, thus cumming more intensely. The only problem that we see with this is that this particular reviewer does not have quite the equipment that some of these guys have. I may be doing fairly well in that department…but come on! These guys are packing some truly amazing tools here. Other than that, though, they are great. Hell, it may even add a little to the fantasy…I sure fantasize about having a dick like that too!!
Swallow Me POV is a Brain Cash brainchild, and as you know that means over 2 dozen additional sites to this one for under thirty dollars per month ($29.95 to be exact). Each site is very well put together. We say that having reviewed hundreds of other sites. This network does as good a job as any other in the organization department. They also are the home of Peter North and Lexington Steele, 2 of the biggest names (and cocks) in the business. We have yet to find a Brain Cash site that has let us down. Amber Simpson is a natural talent that really caught our eye. Although she is definitely sexy and attractive…it seems all-natural. She is not overly made up and does not seem that she is working really hard to pretend to be something she is not. She has naturally small tits and a tight body. She doesn’t wear a lot of makeup, which makes her even more attractive to us. Her video, entitled “Cute Brunette,” is a very nice POV attraction. As with most POV videos, she talks to the camera as if she is talking to you, the viewer (saying such things as “This ass is all yours!”). Again, this adds to the fantasy. She is a major league clit rubber when she gets going in the fucking portion of the scene, and really works the fantasy angle well. Her counterpart (we will call him You!), is hung like a mule and gives her the business in many different positions (even a little foot job in there for the fetishists), much like you would if you were really fucking her. You finish her off by shooting a load straight into her mouth. Good job, you!
Venus was a brunette that you fucked on page 3 of the video section, entitled “Sexy Brunette” (not to be confused with the “Cute Brunette,” Amber, that you fucked in the last scene that we talked about. Venus has very nice tits (especially for those of you who like big nipples and areolas). She is a very pretty girl, and her fucking is top notch too. You fucked her in the pussy and the ass in this one, all taking place outside on what apparently started as a picnic. She especially loved your dick in her ass, as she massacred her clit while you were pounding her poop hole. In the end you gave her a little ATM action and came in her mouth. Damn this freak can work a dick! POV is a very nice way to watch porn, and this is a very nice POV site. You need to watch POV somewhere, and if you trust us then we say this is the place to watch it!

Visit the site: www.swallowmepov.com

… 9 out of 10

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Swallow For Cash Website Review

by The Caveman (admin)

Swallow For Cash Sample Photo

How much is this gonna run me?

The site: swallowforcash.com
The price:$1.00 trial, $24.95 month
The verdict: There you go. Hot sluts begging for money and you only giving them a dollar. Can you think of ANY way to make yourself feel more sinister? Me neither. 8 out of 10.

[rating:8/10] (8/10)
To join, click here:www.swallowforcash.com

No sugar coatin’ here, folks. These unfortunate souls have been reduced to their bare bones — torn down by society, drugs and who gives a fuck, and now the only way they can make ends meet is to suck a dick, fuck a stranger and let some well hung freak that they met only moments ago stick his dick in their butts. Those fucking countries with communist dictators have NO IDEA how spectacular capitalism can be, huh?

This is NOT just a dick sucking site, as you might expect from the title. They have plenty of variety — fucking, sucking, anal and more. They do try to make a little plot out of the videos, pretending that the girls are applying for “legit” jobs, and they have to eat come jizz to get the job — but we know that in reality it is just as we said above — they gotta suck some dick to buy quarter-a-box mac & cheese for their illegitimate kids back at the trailer. Sorry…the truth hurts sometimes sweetheart.

These Trailer Snakes are sure fucking hot, though — no skanky white trash chicks here — at least they don’t show it on camera. Take Nurse Michelle, who is a fucking searing hot blond with big fake tits, a nasty attitude and a heavenly ass. She’s required to tackle a dick as big as a horses thigh, and does so in award winning fashion. And, of course, she swallows his load when she’s done with her moving work of art.

Okay — now for the really good shit. You gotta dollar on you? 4 quarters? If so, you can join this site. ONE DOLLAR to join — IF you join through PLD here. Just unzip your pants, click on one of the links in this page and spend that dollar. Then jerk yourself off for 72 hours straight. What the fuck do I care, you perv!

There you go. Hot sluts begging for money and you only giving them a dollar. Can you think of ANY way to make yourself feel more sinister? Me neither.

Visit the site: www.swallowforcash.com

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Brain Pass Website Review

by The Devil (admin)

PLD3
The site: brainpass.com
The price:$29.95 month
The verdict: Nary a bad word to say about this collection. Unbelievable sites, talent, content and volume. Also an unbelievable price. Most unbelievable of all is the fact that you are still reading this and have not yet joined. 10 out of 10.

[rating:10/10] (10/10)

To join, click here: www.brainpass.com

One of the best and most extensive pay sites on the net, Brainpass.com is a collection of over 2 dozen sites, all of which are extremely well put together and have unstoppable talent (both male and female). You may have read our other reviews about Brain Cash…well, this is their main site. You can join through one of the sites listed with the Brain Cash group, or simply go to brainpass.com and join there. You will not be disappointed (unless you like shitty videos with ugly chicks and guys with small dicks fucking horses).

For a reasonable rate of $29.95 per month, you get access to some pretty damn good sites. Ever heard of Peter North? You will get his official site with all of the award winning cum shots. Lexington Steele? Yep, he’s here with his terrifying dong. Not only do they have some of the biggest names in the business, there are also several single-girl sites with super hot chicks that fuck on film…a lot! Shelby Bell is one of these girls and she is a fucking knockout. If you do not think she is the hottest thing on video, well then maybe you should join and head to boyscasting.com!

Also, there are several sites dedicated to niches, such as realsquirt.com (you can figure that one out, can’t you?), feetfrenzy.com (again, a no brainer), and fuckthatasian.com, and onlydp.com (some of the best double penetration scenes featuring the likes of Peter North, Lex Steele and Lauren Phoenix). We could go on, but it is much easier for you to just go to Brain Pass and see for yourself!

In addition to their featured sites, they promise over 200 bonus sites with the price of your pass. They also give you weekly live shows on web cam, as well as one-on-one session with some of their models. Again…this is all for only $29.95 per month. We have found many network sites that we really like, but none so far are on the level of this one.

Nary a bad word to say about this collection. Unbelievable sites, talent, content and volume. Also an unbelievable price. Most unbelievable of all is the fact that you are still reading this and have not yet joined.

… 10 out of 10

Visit the site: www.brainpass.com

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Sperm Blasters Website Review

by The Caveman (admin)

Blasted

Blowing cum bubbles is a unique -often wasted - talent.

The site: spermblasters.com

The price:$2.95 Trial, $29.95 a Month

The verdict: you can join briefly for 3 days for less than $3 if you visit now (they claim it is a limited time offer). The regular membership is the standard $30 per month. $1 per day for 12 sites or so or better than average porn? Fucking sounds good to me. 6 out of 10.

[rating:6/10] (6/10)

To join, click here:www.spermblasters.com

If your face ain’t glazed…then it don’t look good…who you gonna call? SPERM BLASTERS! If you need some cum…from some throbbing wood…who you gonna call? SPERM BLASTERS!

This is a BJ, cum shot site that went out of their way to get the dudes with the fullest balls to empty gargantuan cum shots on the faces of knee-bound sluts that have just finished snarfling down their cocks. And I am dead serious when I say that these fellers have some of the largest cum blasts that I have ever seen a chick take to the face. It’s like they’re standing at the bottom of some water park ride, and the gondola comes down the chute and splashes them with gallons of water – except here it’s cum.

And talk about wannabes – the chicks here are sexy, but in a dirty way- and they are just trying to get a cunt lip in the door of the porn industry. They are obviously not the best paid sluts in the land, despite looking good and working a cock like an army of ants works a picnic. If I wasn’t so busy jerking off and cumming on their virtual faces, I may even feel sorry for them.

That being said, there is a chance for some stardom to come to these lucky ladies if they play their cards right – I saw the lovely Courntey Simpson on this site. She is the chick that used to be a cheerleader at Arizona State University, then went into porn and even used her ASU cheerleading outfit to suck cocks in, becoming an internet sensation. Hope. Inspiration. Desire.

You get all of the sites in this network when you join (a good dozen or so), and you can join briefly for 3 days for less than $3 if you visit now (they claim it is a limited time offer). The regular membership is the standard $30 per month. $1 per day for 12 sites or so or better than average porn? Fucking sounds good to me.

Visit the site: www.spermblasters.com

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Sloppy Gaggers Website Review

by The Caveman (admin)

Not thinking sloppy right now

Not thinking sloppy right now

The site: sloppygaggers.com

The price:$2.95 Trial, $29.95 a Month

The verdict: Like the site, really like the network. No complaints. 7 out of 10.

[rating:7/10] (7/10)

To join, click here:www.sloppygaggers.com

I love to fuck me some throat. I prefer to go as deep as I possibly can and touch ONLY the wind pipe/larynx area. I hate lips and teeth – they can all fuck off. If I can get jiggy with a voice box, I am in neck heaven.

A side question here – is there any other kind of “gagger” besides a sloppy one? I mean – have you ever seen anyone eloquently gagging on a pulsating cock? That sort of activity is pretty much synonymous with sloppy, is it not? I submit that it is, Watson.

Their “gimmick” is that they’re a gagging and blowjob site, with an emphasis on sloppy and wet blowjob. Fuckin’ A…I like that shit. I’ve actually had a few Bjs in my day that were more clinical than sloppy – and they were shit. When I get road head, I prefer the front seat area of the car to look like an alien has just given birth. I’m down with sloppy.

I’m also down with $3 trial memberships- because, well…who the fuck isn’t? That, and the fact that if you join this site you also get access to all of the sites in its network (about a dozen or so) – all of which are pro sites with very regular updates. Good deal whether or not gagging is your thing, because you get the other sites which include Asian porn, stockings/legs, leashes, backstabbers and more.

If you do wander on to this site, check out Larissa. She’s a brunette whore that swallows cock like raw oysters. Although her tits are rarely paid attention to in her scenes, they are perfectly small for me. But the best part is how far she can jam a meat monster down her throat without passing out. This chick could satisfy a flagpole.

Like the site, really like the network. No complaints.

Visit the site: www.sloppygaggers.com

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Semen Slurpers Website Review

by The Caveman (admin)

slurp!

Slurp!

The site: semenslurpers.com

The price:$1.00 trial, $24.95 a month

The verdict: Really nice BJ site (nice network too). The ladies are a notch above many other sites, but not too plastic. Loves it! 8 out of 10.

[rating:8/10] (8/10)

To join, click here:www.semenslurpers.com

With all of these fucking diet crazes going around, it’s a wonder we’re not all fucking bone-thin. I wonder if anyone has created a sperm diet yet? All semen, all the time. That shit would work for me, until I died from ingesting absolutely nothing for several days. I don’t do cum eating – but my bitches had better.

And I would take any one of the bitches on this site as my lawfully wedded wife. My beautiful, cum sucking, stranger-dick chugging, blown-out-assholed, will-fuck-any-random-cock-for-a-buck wife. I mean that with all of my blackened heart. They are all gorgeous, and they all seem to enjoy being treated like a cum receptacle and a cock warmer. Ina word, they are all perfect.

This is not so much a degradation site as many other cum slurping sites I have been to. Lots of them have naer-do-wells eating cum off of public toilet seats, drinking It out of shoes and other nasty shit. This one is a straight-up, sloppy BJ site, where they swallow every drop of man milk at the end of the ride. Because of that, I think they are able to get a better stable of honeys. When you reach a certain level of decadence, the super hotties won’t come to play. This site doesn’t cross that line.

Join the site now for $1 (3 day trial membership). If you have read many of my other reviews, you know that I always push these $1, $3 and $5 trial memberships. They are fucking perfect. You spend next to nothing and get 3-5 days of porn for nearly free. And there is no obligation to buy anything else if you don’t want to. It’s a match made in vagina heaven.

And finally, this is not your father’s blow job site. But of course you already knew that, as that one is called YourDadsBlowJobSite.com and features you old man’s scabbed over wiggler getting sucked by your toothless Aunt Gena. But what I really meant is that BJ sites are not just neck-up mouth action these days – they show full service, many times including anal.

Really nice BJ site (nice network too). The ladies are a notch above many other sites, but not too plastic. Loves it!

Visit the site: www.semenslurpers.com

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Shots Of Cum Website Review

by The Caveman (admin)

THATS NOT A FULL SHOT GLASS!

THATS NOT A FULL SHOT GLASS!

The site: shotsofcum.com

The price:$1.00 trial, $24.95 a month

The verdict: I love the chicks and the fucking on this site, but watching chicks drink shots of cum from a glass does nothing for me, except make me dry heave. 6 out of 10.

[rating:6/10] (6/10)

To join, click here:www.shotsofcum.com

I was just thinking – the only places I have ever shot my load are on my own chest, on the shower floor, on and in various female body parts, in a towel, on a parking meter, in the glove compartment of a taxi cab and on a double cheeseburger from Round Robin. Never once in a shot glass. Well, I’ll be damned – there’s a new year’s resolution just waiting to happen.

With billions of porn sites available, they are all trying to find their own gimmick to sell memberships. I can dig that – and as a matter of fact, I am glad they do, just to try to mix things up a bit. Also, I am all for chick gulping loads of semen from my meat cup. But for some reason, I just can’t get into watching chicks drink splooge from glass. I like the fucking a LOT on this up to that point, but then I have to run outside and cum in my mailbox. It’s just a thing that I have to do man – don’t knock it ’till you try it.

Where has this Tiana Lynn chick been all of my masturbatory life? I know where she is now – she’s on this site and in my fantasies. Tiana is a gorgeous young chick (claims to be a teen, I’d say early 20s) that has the eyes of a cat, the tits of a goddess and the pussy of a foreign diplomat (they have really, really nice vaginas). She’s also a squirter. Oh – and she drinks cum like it’s free Jaegermeister shots at a bachelorette party.

Lots of sites have $3 and $5 trials. That’s pretty impressive – for fucking pussies. This one has ONE dollar trial memberships. The last time I got a nut for $1, I was out of the wax paper that I usually use to jerk off with (what…like you don’t?), and I had to use a dollar bill. Not quite as slick, but a little sexier with the founder of our country licking my cock and staring my right in the eyes, down to my soul. It was pretty hot.

I love the chicks and the fucking on this site, but watching chicks drink shots of cum from a glass does nothing for me, except make me dry heave.

Visit the site: www.shotsofcum.com

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Peters Cum Shots Website Review

by The Caveman (admin)

peter snags the hottest

Later that day, she drowned in a tsunami of Peter's semen. RIP my little flower...

The site: peterscumshots.com
The price:$29.95 month

The verdict: Great site for what it is meant for…the top 20 cum shots of all time. It is not every day that a legend gives you his OWN favorite scenes in a bundle. Not a lot on content, but again, there is not supposed to be. Because of the great network it is part of, it is well worth the fee. 9 out of 10.

[rating:9/10] (9/10)


 To join, click here:www.peterscumshots.com

Imagine being able to go to one place and see all of the greatest cars in the world. Or having the top 20 women in the world standing before you, naked. This is an idea of what Peter’s Cum Shots offers — the 20 greatest cumshots of all-time by the greatest cummer of all-time, Peter North. We like to think of it as the Louvre of cumshots.

Right off the bat we want to point out that this site is a throw-in of sorts for the Brain Cash folks. If this were a site that was NOT part of a network, I would say that although it shows some very spectacular feats from Pete, there is not enough content to be worth the money. There are only 20 scenes and some of them are only 5-10 minutes in length. Since it is a member of the network, however, it is well worth the money. For $29.95 per month, you get this site and more than 25 others, for a total of hundreds of videos and thousands of pictures. This is only one of Peter North’s sites on this network, with the majority of the videos being on www.peternorth.com

We do love the idea of this legend hand picking his favorite 20 cumshots of the over 1,500 bitches he has drowned on camera. We, personally, have always wondered about some of the best and if we were seeing the best, most voluminous, etc. Now we know for sure.

There is no particular favorite of ours here. It would be like picking a “good” player from the NFL Hall of Fame. They are all the stuff that dreams are made of. We do like some of the girls better than others, though (although al deserve hazard pay from working with Peter). A very short clip is Peter with Monica Sweetheart. We love Monica…she is a hot, dirty blonde who sucks a mean one. She gets absolutely creamed…so much so that even Peter seems sheepishly embarrassed. We also are very fond of Judy Star, a sexy, small-breasted blonde who take son Pete AND Jay Ashley at the same time with some double penetration, but in the end it was Peter’s cream that rose to the top, drenching Judy. She looked like 5 or 6 guys had cum in her face, instead of 2. Finally, maybe our favorite little clip was with Nikita Denise, who is a damn sexy brunette (think Carmen Electra). By Peter’s own admission she is an expert oralist, who manages to deep throat Peter’s hog. She is rewarded in the end (as always) by a massive amount of cum.

No doubt all 20 of these ladies had a long shower and some rest after these scenes. Each one of them earned their pay, but the real winner here is Peter (unless you count us, of course, for getting to enjoy this). His massive cum shots have placed him in a niche to call his own and has earned him notoriety and riches.

Great site for what it is meant for…the top 20 cum shots of all time. It is not every day that a legend gives you his OWN favorite scenes in a bundle. Not a lot on content, but again, there is not supposed to be. Because of the great network it is part of, it is well worth the fee.

Visit the site: www.peterscumshots.com

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Pink Eye Surprise Website Review

by The Caveman (admin)

Pink eye is for filthy people

Prepare to be infected.

The site: pinkeyesurprise.com

The price:$1.00 trial, $24.95 a month

The verdict: Very different, but I like it. Funny and degrading – like the Golden Girls. 7 out of 10.

[rating:7/10] (7/10)

To join, click here:www.pinkeyesurprise.com

Just when I thought that I had run out of new shit to watch in porn, along comes Pink Eye Surprise, a site where the signature move consists of a guy fucking a girl, pulling out and cumming into her eyeball as it’s held open with his fingers. I was going to come up with some snazzy little one-liner about how I used to come in some bizarre orifice on a chick – but I got nothin’. This guy has video evidence. Tip o’ the cap to you, my friend!

Now, I have to decide whether this is genuinely entertaining, or just some fuckers like me trying to come up with the most ridiculous shit they can think of. Well, it’s both. It’s probably a chicken or egg question as to which came first, but I’d guess that these fuckers were bored and wanted a new angle to make some cash on, and one of them blurted this idea out after a few cocktails. Then they ran with it, and it turned out to be a decent degradation niche. And for the record, that’s pronounced “nitch” not neesh, as some of you Nancy-boys are now pronouncing it. Jesus…what has this world come to?

So, I am guessing there are virtually zero living humans with a cum-in-eye fetish, therefore the question is whether the chicks are hot, the fucking is good and the degradation is strong. Yes to all 3, I’d say. In fact – I like this type of down putting even more than gagging and shit like that – imagine having sperm shot into your fucking eyeball?? Damn…that shit would hurt.

Not sure if it’s your cup of teabags? Try their $1.00 trial membership. Or shit – you could even join for a month ($24.95) and get 50 additional sites -so if you got bored with this one, you would have a shit ton more to empty your boys to.

Very different, but I like it. Funny and degrading – like the Golden Girls.

Visit the site: www.pinkeyesurprise.com

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Porn Website Review

by The Caveman (admin)

porn

Tastes like chicken.

The site: porn.com

The price:$4.99 – 3 day trial

The verdict: This is it — the Grandaddy of all porn sites. It is impossible to forget the name, and after you first visit it will be impossible for you to forget the content too! 10 out of 10.

[rating:10/10] (10/10)

To join, click here: www.porn.com

This is the part of the review where I usually tell some funny story or shitty joke. Not this time. This is no laughing matter. This is Porn.com This is big time shit.

The fellers over at Pimp Roll (one of our favorite outfits) just paid like 10 billion Dollars or some shit to buy this domain name. Any hack could use Porn.com as a domain name, throw up a few scabs getting donged by a few beefcakes, and make some cash. But these guys didn’t want to “Settle.” They went the extra mile — then went about 100 more. Very impressive.

The first thing that anyone will notice when they grease up and get on Porn.com is the outstanding clarity and quality of their videos and pictures. Okay — maybe not the *first* thing. That would probably be the stellar stable of split-tails that they have on hand. Their chicks are all rising stars in the biz — Tori Black (one of my favorite brunettes), Mikayla (another one of my favorite brunettes), Hillary Scott, Dani Woodward, Jana Cova, Carli Banks — a star-studded cast to be sure. And that is only 1/1983 of their cast. I’m not kidding — they have over 11,900 porn stars available on this site. UN-FUCKING-REAL.

If you’re anything like me (God save your soul), you can’t get very far into the site without blacking out and “waking up” 20 minutes later with your pants around your ankles, an empty bottle of Jergen’s and a half-smoked square hanging from your lips. But if you have a little more self-control, you will notice that there are literally THOUSANDS of videos available on this site. Check this shit — they have over 4,900 hours of video which apparently is also 1.91 Terabytes (for all you dot com nerds). And those numbers will continue to grow, considering they update this motherfucker every single day of the fucking year. All 366 of them (it’s a leap year, remember?)! My cock is chapped just thinking about that shit.

Oh — and these sumbitches must be crazier than a shit-house rat — not only did they pay 200 billion for this site (or some shit), they are also practically giving away 3 day trials. $5.00 will get you one right now. I did the math, and that is about 1 penny for every 100 hours of porn (I didn’t say I did the math correctly, now did I?). It’s a little money for possibly the best porn site on the internet, that is for sure. Skip the bratwurst and fries today, Tubby, and buy yourself some porn instead.

This is it — the Grandaddy of all porn sites. It is impossible to forget the name, and after you first visit it will be impossible for you to forget the content too!

Visit the site: www.porn.com

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