Handjobs

Porn Website Review

by The Caveman (admin)

porn

Tastes like chicken.

The site: porn.com

The price:$4.99 – 3 day trial

The verdict: This is it — the Grandaddy of all porn sites. It is impossible to forget the name, and after you first visit it will be impossible for you to forget the content too! 10 out of 10.

[rating:10/10] (10/10)

To join, click here: www.porn.com

This is the part of the review where I usually tell some funny story or shitty joke. Not this time. This is no laughing matter. This is Porn.com This is big time shit.

The fellers over at Pimp Roll (one of our favorite outfits) just paid like 10 billion Dollars or some shit to buy this domain name. Any hack could use Porn.com as a domain name, throw up a few scabs getting donged by a few beefcakes, and make some cash. But these guys didn’t want to “Settle.” They went the extra mile — then went about 100 more. Very impressive.

The first thing that anyone will notice when they grease up and get on Porn.com is the outstanding clarity and quality of their videos and pictures. Okay — maybe not the *first* thing. That would probably be the stellar stable of split-tails that they have on hand. Their chicks are all rising stars in the biz — Tori Black (one of my favorite brunettes), Mikayla (another one of my favorite brunettes), Hillary Scott, Dani Woodward, Jana Cova, Carli Banks — a star-studded cast to be sure. And that is only 1/1983 of their cast. I’m not kidding — they have over 11,900 porn stars available on this site. UN-FUCKING-REAL.

If you’re anything like me (God save your soul), you can’t get very far into the site without blacking out and “waking up” 20 minutes later with your pants around your ankles, an empty bottle of Jergen’s and a half-smoked square hanging from your lips. But if you have a little more self-control, you will notice that there are literally THOUSANDS of videos available on this site. Check this shit — they have over 4,900 hours of video which apparently is also 1.91 Terabytes (for all you dot com nerds). And those numbers will continue to grow, considering they update this motherfucker every single day of the fucking year. All 366 of them (it’s a leap year, remember?)! My cock is chapped just thinking about that shit.

Oh — and these sumbitches must be crazier than a shit-house rat — not only did they pay 200 billion for this site (or some shit), they are also practically giving away 3 day trials. $5.00 will get you one right now. I did the math, and that is about 1 penny for every 100 hours of porn (I didn’t say I did the math correctly, now did I?). It’s a little money for possibly the best porn site on the internet, that is for sure. Skip the bratwurst and fries today, Tubby, and buy yourself some porn instead.

This is it — the Grandaddy of all porn sites. It is impossible to forget the name, and after you first visit it will be impossible for you to forget the content too!

Visit the site: www.porn.com

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Club Red Light Website Review

by The Devil (admin)

Not all people raised by feral dogs are ugly.

The site: clubredlight.com

The price:$4.95 – 3 day trial

The verdict: It’s a preference thing — if you like pro style porn, you can’t find a better type of site than this. If you like amateur porn — fuck it, you’ll still get off — it’s damn near impossible not to! 10 out of 10.

[rating:10/10] (10/10)

To join, click here:www.clubredlight.com

1,720 video scenes29,915 high-res images

1,279 different ladies

1 really fucking sore cock.

Club Red Light is one of the Earth’s most fantastic creations. It’s the home of the ever-popular Red Light District video brand. Much like other video on demand sites, Club Red Light allows you to choose from hundreds of full length DVDs, download the ones you want, and head off to jerk-ville. You can download the whole movie, or cut the bullshit and take away only that one scene you like so much — you know, the one where that homeless guy jerks off on a stray cat. That’s hot.

The site is quite an impressive set-up, and geared toward the most serious of porn connoisseurs. Sure, a beginner can use it too, but the ability to search by video name, genre, series name, porn-star and even director, makes me think they are expecting some hardcore motherfuckers to visit. And they should be right — as even the most seasoned of you porn veterans out there should recognize this site as a fantastic score.

Not only do they have an incredibly impressive library, set-up and site — they also are the fastest site around with getting you the newest video updates. Where most other video-offering-sites require online viewers to wait a month or so after a video is released before they can view it online, Club Red Light/The Red Light District lets you see their new release THE SAME DAY THEY ARE RELEASED! Unheard of.

In case you are a retard and are not familiar with the Red Light District videos line, I can sum it up by telling you they are professional stars — FUCKING HOT professional stars — in high quality videos and scenes. No grainy amateur home videos here – -these folks spend the cash to bring you the perfect fantasies.

Some of the more notable series titles included on this site are Dick Puppets (featuring the astonishing crank of Mandingo), Brianna Love Oversexed (who doesn’t love Brianna Love?!?), Cream Pie Cuties, Cunt Gushers, Manuel Ferrara’s POV and dozens more. Some of the hottest titles in all of porn are available here.

Here’s the most incredible part — $4.95 THREE DAY TRIALS! Keep in mind the amount of shit they are offering — you can grab a LOT of frig material in 72 hours. Put it this way — remember in the old days (read: 1990s) when you have to go to the video store to rent porn? It cost you MORE than $4.95 to rent ONE 2 hour movie — and you were damn lucky if it lasted 2 hours even. Here, you get WAY more hours of porn than you could watch if you stayed up for the entire 72 hours — for the same price.

It’s a preference thing — if you like pro style porn, you can’t find a better type of site than this. If you like amateur porn — fuck it, you’ll still get off — it’s damn near impossible not to!

… 10 out of 10

Visit the site: www.clubredlight.com

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Handjob Harry

by The Devil (admin)

i was only expecting a handjob

Ummm...you can pull 'em up, Sister. It's only a handjob.

The site: HandjobHarry.com

The price:$2.99 – 3 day trial

The verdict: Lots of handjob sites are, in my opinion, less interesting and/or less erotic than fuck sites. With all of the big names, and the fact that they do a damn good job pulling Harry’s taffy, I don’t feel the same about this one. I really, really like it. 9 out of 10.

[rating:9/10] (9/10)

To join, click here:www.HandjobHarry.com

Hand job Harry would be more appropriately named Harry Gets A Lot of Fucking Hand jobs By Ridiculously Hot Chicks And I Really, Really Wish I Was Him. I bet that domain name is still available too, if the makers of the site are reading this. As it’s named, though — it still packs a pretty good punch. And Harry is one lucky handjob-gettin’ motherfucker.
And Harry doesn’t just scores pretty faces off the streets looking for a few bucks to supplement their welfare checks. He gets some real starlets. To name a few; Cristina Agave, Cheyenne Hunter, Alexis Love, Courtney (of ASU cheerleading fame), Irena Sky, Angela Stone — fuck, I could make this list last for days. He has film after film after film of him getting his crank yanked by well-known hotties.

My favorite scene on Handjodb Harry was when he got Brandy Taylor to yank his crawdad and then jammied all over her tits. In case you didn’t know, Brandy Taylor has an enormous set of natural jugs. So large, in fact, that she literally has to push a shopping cart around everywhere she goes to carry them in. That is the absolute truth! Okay, so it’s not. But I bet she wishes she had a cart a lot of the time. Very sexy scene — especially if you are a tit guy (and who isn’t?).

Very good prices too. If you join this penis puller, you can join through Porny Little Devil for only $2.99 for a trial membership. Just click one of the links on this page, pull out your credit card and your meat missile, and go to town. Oh — and when you join with a full membership, you get dozens of other very high quality sites as well – -all from the makers of this site, so you know you are getting great quality shit.

Lots of handjob sites are, in my opinion, less interesting and/or less erotic than fuck sites. With all of the big names, and the fact that they do a damn good job pulling Harry’s taffy, I don’t feel the same about this one. I really, really like it.

… 9 out of 10

Visit the site: www.HandjobHarry.com

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Handjob Lessons Website Review

by The Devil (admin)

PLD3The site: handjoblessons.com
The price:$4.87 Trial, $39.87 Month

The verdict: Pretty decent handjob site, although I admit I’m a sucker for the five knuckle shuffle. I think it’s worth a try. 7 out of 10.

[rating:7/10] (7/10)

To join, click here:www.handjoblessons.com

I jerked off in a Starbucks once. Right under the fucking table – during the morning rush. I kept getting a boner from looking at Wifey’s World on my laptop – and decided to squeeze for pearls right there in the store. Came on the floor, got a refill and left. Fuck those corporate pigs.
Needless to say, I love handjobs. I love flogging my own dong, but REALLY like getting a shuffler by a sexy chick. And I like watching that shit too – so I love handjob sites like this one. Some folks tell me they prefer fuck sites, and handjob sites are a waste of time. I tell those rotten pieces of dog shit that they can go hang themselves in a doorway. Jesus…the fucking nerve of some people.

Most of the chicks here are girl next door types. Many of them don’t look like they were meant to be in porn. That’s a good thing in my mind. Don’t get me wrong, they’re all hot enough to be in porn. It’s just that they look lost or out of place. I love lost bitches. I take them in, offer them comfort, and have them pull on my dick like they’re trying to start a generator that’s out of gas.

Brandy was one of my favorite girls on this site. She had smaller, perky tits – like tiny little ski slopes. She is also gorgeous in the face – especially with cum all over it. Her technique on the HJ was flawless – long, methodical strokes until eruption. I came long before the cockswain on the video – then I came again.

The nice thing about this site too is that the content is exclusive to the site. You (allegedly) can’t be getting’ this shit elsewhere – -which means that I could not have found and jerked off to Brandy on any other site. That’s why I’m glad I spent the $5 on the 3 day trial. If you want a full monthly, it’ll run you $39.47 – but you also get access to a couple dozen additional sites and several thousands adult DVDs.

Pretty decent handjob site, although I admit I’m a sucker for the five knuckle shuffle. I think it’s worth a try.

… 7 out of 10

Visit the site: www.handjoblessons.com

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Meat Stick Milkers Website Review

by The Caveman (admin)

effecient meat stick milking

One maid a milking.

The site: meatstickmilkers.com

The price:$2.95 trial/ $39.99 month

The verdict: Very well done and very nice. A happy ending in every video! Well done! 8.5 out of 10.

[rating:8.5/10] (8.5/10)


To join, click here:www.meatstickmilkers.com

There is something simplistically satisfying about a hand job site. First of all, they are usually shot in POV, so it is easy to put yourself there. Also, you are usually giving yourself a hand job at the same time, so again, it is easy to make to jump from reality to fantasy. Any time we start to get a little numb to conventional porn, we go back to the rocking horse…back to where it all began…back to the hand job.

Meatstick Milkers is a comdically names hand job site that promises the best hand jobs on the net. We were skeptical, but we were very pleasantly surprised with what we found. This is a very nice hand job site with current videos of very sexy ladies jerking some cock.

The price is a little higher than most, at $39.99 per month. We think it is worth that price, but we do realize that you can get many videos cheaper elsewhere. We took the three-day trial membership for $2.95 to be sure that this is what we wanted. We will join for the full amount now. This is a nice hand job site!

Yasmine is a very sexy ebony sister that gives a spectacular and sensual hand job on this site. She is clad in all black lace and has a body that could stop time. Her smile is sexy and genuine and her tits are bursting out of her bra. She really gets into her handjob, moving all about the bed and rubbing his dick on various parts of her body. She lets the guy shoot all over her tits, which at that point were all the way out of her bra and hanging and swaying to an fro. Nice!

We also dug Morgan, a cute bespectacled blonde with a plaid skirt on. She jerks the cock conventionally, but then turns all the way around with her ass facing the camera and jerks it through her legs. She is simple and very, very sexy. We think we love her! In the end, she takes a very large load that covers her entire face. She seems to almost be disgusted by it and winces in a nearly painful look. She thought her glasses would protect her eyes from the semen onslaught. Boy was she ever wrong!

The extras are just that, extra stuff that you may or may not like. We did like the E-zines with how-to guides to sex and pleasuring your lady. They also had thousands of pictures, games, personals and sex toys for sale!

Very well done and very nice. A happy ending in every video! Well done!

Visit the site: www.meatstickmilkers.com

… 8.5 out of 10

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Movie Access Website Review

by The Caveman (admin)

do you smell fish?

Do you smell fish?

The site: movieaccess.com

The price:$4.95 – 3 day trial

The verdict: Trust us on this — one day this will be how all movies are watched — porn AND mainstream. And to think you can get in on the ground floor. 10 out of 10.

[rating:10/10] (10/10)

To join, click here:www.movieaccess.com

This site is the new way of porn. Get used to this if you aren’t already — you’ll be seeing more and more of it. Instead of a certain *type* of porn, or a certain theme, this is like Netflix for porn — a Slutflix, if you will. Possibly a Cockbuster. There are thousands (see below) of movies to choose from, but even better than Netflix, you don’t have to sit at the mailbox with your dork in your hand — you watch them right there on your computer.

Check this shit out — over THREE THOUSAND DVDs are available here. That adds up to over FIVE FUCKING THOUSAND hours of rubbing material. Your cock would be a bloody stump if you used this entire site up. In other words — you will NEVER run out of material on this site. Oh — you think you’re some kind of stud, motherfucker? You think you could finfish it? Okay, then — get this — if you do — then there are over THIRTY other sites included with your membership. Get strokin’, Superman.

How much would you horn dogs pay for this much shit? Remember the old days when you had to go to the movie store, slink into the back like a trench-coat creep and rent them one by one? At about $3 or more a pop, this amount of material would cost you just under $10,000. Lucky for you, porn has evolved and the internet was invented. Now you can get access for about the price of ONE of those movies in the old days. Ever heard of a deal like 3,000 for the price of 1? You have now — 3 Days for $4.95. 7 days for $9.95. A full month comes in at $39.95. This deal is – just like your sore dick when you are done here – can’t be beat

They are very well categorized and the site is set up as user friendly as any we’ve seen. Every mainstream category that you’d think of, straight, gay, lesbian and everything in between. They have a link for new releases, most popular (Try Wild Party Girls 19 — a classic), and =you can search your favorite star or by film title. If you’re a REAL big, major league creepy dude you can even search by studio. We shudder to think of those of you who have a favorite STUDIO!

Trust us on this — one day this will be how all movies are watched — porn AND mainstream. And to think you can get in on the ground floor.

Visit the site: www.movieaccess.com

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All Adult Pass Website Review

by The Devil (admin)

all-adult-pass
The site: alladultpass.com
The price:$1.00 trial, $24.95 month

The verdict: Not a whole lot more can be said about the deal of the century. If you pass on it, then I hope you like full balls 10 out of 10.

[rating:10/10] (10/10)

To join, click here:www.alladultpass.com

We’ve reviewed lots of multi-site sites, many of them offering 20, 30 — even 50 sites for one price. As far as we can recall, we’ve never reviewed a site that gave you access to this many sites at one monthly rate. How about NINETY sites for the price of one. 90!!! Nine-fucking-ty! Nine Zero! Nin– awwww….you get the point.

Okay — here’s a list of what you get: Just kidding — you think I’m going to sit here and list off 90 websites? Jesus, man — I have some masturbating to do when I get done with telling you about this site. If you think I’m gonna cut into my jerking time to list for you every single site you get when you join, you’re out of your fucking mind. But I will tell you that if you can’t find LOTS of shit to get your nuts churning to amongst 90 sites, then you need to get to that old Dr. Ruth cunt as soon as possible and find out what the fuck your problem is.

As you might imagine, 90 sites cover an astounding variety of themes. Teens, Black, Interracial, Feet, BJs, Prostitutes, Voyeur, Squirting, MILFs, Spanking, Big Tits and Ass Sex — to name a FEW of the genres you’ll find. Oh — and in case you’re worried, these aren’t shit bag, throw away sites. We consider the makers of this site to be among the best in the business. They have a shitload of pride in their sites. They get the hottest off the street girls that money can buy. You will NOT be disappointed if you like amateurish sites with hot chicks and sexy fucking.

Okay…now sit down because this will knock your dick into next week. You get three days worth of access to all 90 of these sites for ONE DOLLAR! Let’s do the math, Einstein — that is just over ONE PENNY PER HOUR of porn. Good Christ, that’s a deal. And even when the three days are up, you can renew at $24.95 per month. That is on the low end of monthly fees for the majority of pron sites – -and don’t forget that you get NINETY of them for this price.

Not a whole lot more can be said about the deal of the century. If you pass on it, then I hope you like full balls

… 10 out of 10

Visit the site: www.alladultpass.com

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