That's a sexy fucking gaze.

The site: nipsandclits.com

The price:$24.95 per month

The verdict: I’m on the fence, but any site that has Zophya is one I’d probably join when it came down to nut milking time. The bonus sites make it a definite yes. 6.5 out of 10.

Side tit is not porn.

The site: rearfrontier.com

The price:$24.95 per month

The verdict: I wasn’t that impressed with Rear Frontier, but the network is pretty decent. 5 out of 10.

She's biting off more than she can chew. Ouch.

The site: dflowered.com

The price:$24.95 per month

The verdict: Well, as hot as these chicks are, this one ain’t gonna get me to the finish I was looking for. Better luck to you fellers. 6.5 out of 10.

gawddamn

The site: climaxmodels.com

The price:$24.95 per month

The verdict: It’s good at what it does, but for me, what it does is not enough. 6 out of 10.

Shitty parquet floors are not high class

The site: torbehighclass.com

The price:$29.99 per month

The verdict: You’re not going to see a dirty dicking down here, but you wouldn’t expect to at a so-called “high class” site, right? That shit happens on some of the other sites in the network, so when you join you get it all. 7 out of 10.

That shit's gonna stick to your skin.

The site: vixenx.com

The price:$2.95 Trial, $29.95 a Month

Remember the 80s chick rock band Vixen? This is a site where all of the members of that band get fucked by giraffes. Oh, shit -evermind. I misread the headline of the site. Too bad – that shit would have been much hotter than what they REALLY have to offer here.Know why they call this Vixen X and not Vixen XXX? No, not because the other was taken (although it may have been). It’s because this is softcore, and not XXX. BOO!!!! FUCKING BOOOO!!!

Okay, well, I guess they can’t all be hardcore. And softcore porn serves it’s purpose – -which is to get 12 year old boys off or to try to convince prudish cunt-wives that you are really looking at classy and erotic material, rather than the trampling, gagging, horse-fucking demon filth that you are really knocking your cock to.

To their credit, they do have super hot chicks. And it’s not all over the bra shit – they do a little dildo play and finger jacking. But no fucking. Nary a dick in the house. It’s a shame to me that such lovely pussy is wasted on dainty fingers and pink plastic. Someone needs to cock down these bitches really hard-like.

If you are still interested, you can get a 3 day trial for $3. That’s about the limit on what I’d spend on a softcore site -and that would be just out of sheer curiosity, as I can’t remember the last time I saw a female on the internet without a cock dangling somewhere in the vicinity of her face or crotch. If you really dig it, $30 will get you a monthly – which is absurd.

Good site…if you’re Pentecostal.

… 4 out of 10

She's playing that "the floor is lava" game

The site: upskirtsmania.com

The price:$1.00 trial, $34.95 per month

The verdict: Good movies, but I hate it when sites are not reflective of their names.

[rating:6.5/10] (6.5/10)

I wonder why our cocks aren’t more useful? I mean, sure they are damn good at what they do -what with the fucking and reproducing and all. But I would have thought that evolution would have made them a little more functional by now, since they just hang there most of the time. I am think about training mine to be prehensile like a monkey’s tail, so I can hang from trees with it.Well, the good news is that there are countless gorgeous – and I mean fucking GORGEOUS – chicks getting fucked, sucked, masturbated and showered, all over this motherfucker. There are tons of videos, and they are all in HD and very, very professionally done.

The bad news is that it’s NOT a fucking upskirt site. Not even close. Shit – many of the scenes don’t even have a skirt in them at all. Some of the chicks start out naked! I’m all for naked chicks – -but come on. If you want to do a fucking upskirt site, do a fucking upskirt site. Rant over.

My favorite chick amongst the millions here is Liliane Tiger. Yes, it’s because of the flames tattooed right above her snatch. But not to worry if you don’t like tattooed chicks- there are tons of chicks of all types here. Shit – there are over 250 videos, so you know there are many to look at.

At the 250 is just on this site. This site is part of a large network with over 8,000 videos in it -and you get them all for the price of one. Do your cock favor and get a $1.00, 3 day trial. Yeah -that’s my stimulus plan, bitch!

Good movies, but I hate it when sites are not reflective of their names.

… 6.5 out of 10

This is the greatest thing I have ever laid eyes upon.

The site: upskirtcollection.com

The price:$29.95/Month

The verdict: Nice upskirt site, if you want to get away from total raunch for a while.

Have you ever accidentally gotten an upskirt or upshorts glance at your mom or you sister’s snatch? I have. That shit was hot. Your sister needs to shave that fucking pelt, though. And your Mom should think about tampons instead of pads. Just a suggestion.This site has upskirts, tight jeans, lingerie, sexy shorts, panties, bikini, celebs and upblouses. Yeah, celebs too. That means as long as Paris Hilton and Britney Spears are breathing, there will be content for this section of the site.

The thing that I did not like about this one was that the upskirts are all staged. When a chick is sitting at a bus stop with a skirt on and her legs so wide that she could put a leg lock on an exercise ball, chances are she’s posing for a camera somewhere. Or when a chick in a picture is actually holding part of her skirt up in the back, she probably either just accidentally shit on herself or she’s aware that the camera is snapping.

That being said, they’re still hot pictures and videos. And, of course, with staged pictures members don’t have to worry about the makers of the site being arrested and imprisoned for indecency and the site going under. Think of it as membership security.

The great thing about upskirt sites is that they can usually get an even higher echelon of female, since they are not getting ass fucked or taking a dick while drinking out of the toilet. They’re classy sites, that leave a lot to the imagination -and that’s sometimes a very good thing.

And $30 for 30 days is almost always a good thing – but what’s better is 90 days for $60. That’s one free month. Plus, you can submit your own videos and pics and get the chance to win $100 -every month. Sweet jumpin’ Jesus!

Nice upskirt site, if you want to get away from total raunch for a while.

… 7 out of 10

I'd like to see her butthole

The site: anettedawn.com

The price:$2.95 Trial, $24.95 Month

The verdict: Anette is extremely hot and has incredible tits. If she’d field cocks on her site, she might get a perfect 10 rating. As it is, I can see shit like this one Skinemax. 6 out of 10.

I think one of these solo chicks should think outside the box when it comes to picking a porno name. I’m tired of “Heather Dawns” and “Samantha Darlings” and “Candy Belles.” I want to jerk off to a “Helga Klopfschneider” or a “Melba Smockterling” or a “Myrtle Vomitface.” Anyone with me?Anette is definitely an 11 on a scale of 1 to 10. She’s basically flawless. Petite, blonde and huge tits. Is there a more perfect physical description of a cockwarmer? No – no there isn’t. And of course you get to know all about her with her updates, candid photos and videos and diary entries. All of the things we love about solo girl sites.

Now for the big negative – no fucking. This site is as dickless as you are. And that is NOT a good thing. I hate to see a site that has All of the makings of something fantastic, like this one, and then it leaves out one crucial component. How can I pretend to fuck this chick if she doesn’t show us what her face looks like (or what she sounds like) when she’s got a 10 incher crammed in her knothole?

It does only cost $2.44 for a 2 day trial – which is well worth it. I’d just be very careful before I joined for a whole month – but shit…I’d spend two and a half bucks on just about anything, not to mention seeing a gorgeous chick naked and fondling herself.

Anette is extremely hot and has incredible tits. If she’d field cocks on her site, she might get a perfect 10 rating. As it is, I can see shit like this one Skinemax.

Visit the site: www.anettedawn.com

Is that a dildo or a fucking scepter?

The site: angelswithdildos.com

The price:$1.00 trial, $24.95 Month

The verdict: If you like watching real chicks frig their poons, you found your spot. 8 out of 10.

Oh — almost forgot about that little part about the site costing only $1.00 to join. Sort of important, I suppose. That’s correct — if you join through PLD with one of the links on this very page, you get your initial membership for ONE DOLLAR! Not only that, but you can also get all of their dozens of additional sites, all of which are just as dandy (or even more so) than this one. It’s got to be the best deal on the internet — or at least the best I have found (and I have looked at THOUSANDS of porn sites.).

If you like watching real chicks frig their poons, you found your spot.

… 8 out of 10

Visit the site: www.angelswithdildos.com