Solo

To join, click here:www.danadearmond.com

Hey — I remember this Dana DeArmond freak. She’s that smoking hot chick that was some sort of MySpace sensation before she got into bondage porn (note: MySpace was a social website a long, long time ago. You can read about it in history books. It was sort of like FaceBook if FaceBook were made by the same company that made the Bedazzler, and if it were overrun and controlled by 13-16 year olds).

Anyhoo — here she is at DanaDearmond.com. Titties and pussy are apparently persona non grata on MySpace, but here on her own site she can make up for lost time by showing us the inner hole of her vagina, as well as how nicely her tongue fits into the vaginas of other female humans.

She also documents just about everything on her site, either in photos or videos. There’s a wide variety of styles too — ranging from grainy, web cam like material, to very high quality, artsy shit. That’s good, because I get bored with just one type of video, and at a place like DanDDearmond my boner won’t lose interest.

$19.95 will get you Dana DeArmond — and many two-tittied friends — for an entire month. There are other plans as well — the longer you join for, the cheaper it is. I’d make a suggestion as to which you should buy, but I’m a fucking pornographer, not a financial advisor. Christ, just flip your hog out and pick one already.

Pretty good stuff if Dana floats your boat. Incredibly hot brunettes who eat pussy generally do the trick for me.

8 out of 10

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To join, click here:www.clubpenny.com

You perverts ever hear of Penny Flame? She used to do a bunch of boner flicks until she saw the light and landed on Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew. Fucking sellout. She’s hot, though, and ClubPenny.com is what remains of her converted ass. It’s good shit, I have to admit.

If I was God instead of Satan, I’d probably make a lot more sluts like Penny here. She just acts and looks like your average hot chick. I know that sounds less than glamorous, but it’s much better than a porn chick that acts and looks like a porn chick, if you catch my drift. She’s fucking hot and fucking real — all the way down to some pretty personal stuff in her bio (check it out on the free tour of ClubPenny).

She has a ton of pics and videos — some artsy, some amateur. She digs the vagina, so you can see her eat a lot of it, but she also has day-to-day stuff. It’s only just under $20 for a monthly membership, so I’d say it’s well worth it for the content that it has.

I really dig Penny Flame, so I may be a little biased here — but I loved the fucking site.

8 out of 10

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To join, click here:www.silvianextdoor.com

Since when did people start fucking all of their neighbors? I live by an octogenarian, a gay man and his lesbian wife who married out of convenience, a pedophile and a cripple. Who wants to fuck any part of that human landfill?

Silvia is fucking hot. No doubt about it. But I’m gonna tell you right now — SilviaNextDoor.com gets a 5 at best. Why? Because they have a handful of short vids — and that’s only if your hand is missing some fingers.

The only thing that saves SilviaNextDoor from getting a big, fat turd from me is that it is part of a large, very nice network of 30 sites, and ALL of the sites are included when you join this one ($30 per month). Most of the others are well worth the pay (although a handful are lacking content like this one).

Too bad — Silvia is very fucking sexy. I would have loved to see a lot more of and from her. As it is, Silvia Next Door is lacking in a big way.

5 out of 10

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To join, click here:www.naughtytania.com

I wonder if it’s legal in other countries to repeatedly kick a chick in the cunt hole right after you fill it up with ball suds? I have somewhat of a nervous tick that requires me to do this or I don’t sleep well for the next week, but I keep getting dumped or jailed when I do it.

I am hit or miss when it comes to whores getting fucked outdoors. Sometimes it does something great to my loins — like when I am the one getting fucked. Other times it’s a yawner for me. Naughty Tania is an outdoorsy gal. She was fair — better than average — but not spectacular.

Not all of the NaughtyTania scenes are outdoors, but she does have some. The rest of them are in the normal places — beds, showers, meat lockers, etc. Tania is cute enough, but I don’t know. Something about her just doesn’t click for me. Go take a look at her samples and decided for yourself.

If you do get giggity when you see her, chances are you should join NaughtyTania.com. She’s only $30 per month. That alone would do nothing for me, but ALL of the sites in the network are included (about 30 of them) in that one fee, so it’s an excellent deal.

Meh — not a whole lot to report. Been there, done that.

5.5 out of 10

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To join, click here:www.xtremevictoria.com

When did the letter “X” and the word “Extreme” (and all spellings thereof) become so fucking mandatory? X games, Xtreme, X-rays, X-wife wants half of my shit — who started this fucking inane trend?

Xtreme Victoria may just be the hottest of all of the chicklets in this Torbe network. She is fucking stacked. She looks like a porn star too, so if you’re not into that look then a) check out our amateur section and/or b) check out our gay section — because you’re into one of those two if you don’t dig on chicks that look like Victoria.

XtremeVictoria.com, however, has the same problem as a good chunk of the other Torbe sites have — it’s got no videos. Well, it has a few — but not nearly enough to justify $30 per month. Luckily, XtremeVictoria is a sister site to 30 other sites, all of which are included in the fee. Now, it’s worth the cash.

God…this chick really is fucking hot. A part of me dies inside each time I see her and realize that I have already seen all that I will ever see of her.

6 out of 10

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To join, click here:www.valeriaonfire.com

I fucked a chick that was on fire once. Well, she wasn’t when I started, but we tumbled into the fireplace and her hair went up like a tinder box. She was screaming for me to stop, but I was too close to a nut. Lucky for her, I cum like Peter North, so I put her head out with my money shot.

Valeria is pretty decent, but she’s Brazilian. I hold my Brazilian chicks to a higher standard than other nationalities. Brazilians are fucking stunningly hot on a regular basis. So I expect my jaw to detach from my face every time I know I am about to look at a naked Brazilian chick. ValeriaOnFire.com did not make that happen.

That’s not to say she looks like homemade soap or anything. Valeria is definitely hot, and most likely hotter than anything you’ve been putting your stinkin’ cock into. She has gorgeous red lips, firm orange-sized tits and a gash that could satisfy a dozen men. At the same time.

The vids on ValeriaOnFire are decent — she flops around on the bed solo, and also takes the crank from a variety of lucksters. She is hot enough that it’s easy to work up some suds while she does her thing, but not enough to pop across the room, like I do with lots of other chicks.

$30 is the fee. That gets you Valeria On Fire and her gapin’ snatch, as well as about 30 other sites. It’s definitely enough content to be more than worth your hard earned cash, but Valeria alone is nothing you’ll remember while you’re wiping the cum off of your mouse.

6.5 out of 10

Visit ValeriaOnFire.com