Now that we have an African-American president, I’m surprised that more people aren’t speculating as to the size of his cock.  That was the very first thing I pondered when I woke up the morning after the election — does Barack Obama have the biggest dick of all of the U.S. presidents?

Obviously, he has to at least be in the conversation, what with the (generally accurate) stereotypes about black dicks and all.  That, coupled with the fact that he’s about 6′2″, makes it very likely that he’s smuggling a Thermos down there.  I’ve also noticed a hitch in Michelle’s gait that makes me think she’s getting her kidneys scraped on a regular basis.

But you also have to consider several other former presidents — and eliminate some of them outright — to get a feasible list of the top presidential hogs.  First, the easy eliminations.

Bill Clinton:  Slick Willie, as much of a pussy hound as he was in office, probably doesn’t make the list.  That’s not to take anything away from his sexual prowess.  In fact, I’m willing to bet he could bring it as hard and fast (and for as long) as any other prez.  But you have to remember Bill’s sketchy lineup of chicks in Hilary, Monica Lewinsky and Paula Jones.  He wasn’t exactly pulling the Hawaiian Tropic bikini squad like I would think a leader of the free world WITH a hefty cock would have done  (see John F. Kennedy below).  Plus, Clinton was diddling that fat chick with a cigar.  If you have an extraordinary crank, you aren’t going to waste time playing high school games with stogies.  You’re gonna unleash that Patriot Missile and teach that bitch that you are the most powerful motherfucker in the world, and her pussy is physically never going to forget that shit.

Gerald Ford:  Gerald Ford was known for being a klutz.  That motherfucker tripped more times than Timothy Leary.  If he had a big crank, he’d have been much more confident and carried himself with a lot more grace.  Did you ever see John Holmes trip into a pile of pussy?  Of course not.  Point proven.

Franklin D. Roosevelt:  I hate to have to be the one to point out the elephant in the room here, but FDR had a shriveled up polio-dick.  Sorry, them’s just the facts.

There.  Now that we have that out of the way, we can get to the fellas that were most likely to be dragging crank through the halls of the White House.

Barack Obama:  As mentioned, he’s tall, handsome, athletic…and he’s black, for fuck’s sake!  If they had camera phones when he was in college, there’d be so many self-taken pictures of his cock floating around that you’d be able to get originals on eBay for less than $5.  Love him or hate him — the dude’s gotta be packin’ heat.

Teddy Roosevelt:  Have you not heard about this guy?  One time he was preparing to give a campaign speech and someone shot him.  With a gun.  In the fucking chest.  Not only did he live — he still gave the fucking speech!  Holy shit!  He said, “The bullet’s in me now, so I cannot make a very long speech, but I will try my best.”  Then the crazy son-of-a-bitch spoke for NINETY minutes!  This guy had a dick so big he could take a shit and stir it.

George Washington: He fucking started an entire country.  That country went on to become the most powerful country in the world.  George Washington = guy with a really big dick.

Harry S. Truman:  Not sure about his dick, but that motherfucker had to have balls the size of church bells to drop nuclear bombs all across Japan.

Millard Fillmore:  His last name is fucking Fillmore for Chirissakes!

John F. Kennedy:  My guess is that JFK had the biggest dick of all of the presidents.  I have to guess, because we obviously never saw it.  But we damn near did in 1962 when the Russians started fucking around with their missiles in Cuba.  Kennedy diplomatically dealt with the situation that nearly led to the end of the world, but word has it if that didn’t work, he was going to go on live television, pull out his gigantic dick and show it to the world.  This most certainly would have caused the Russians to back down — and the rest of the world to surrender their arms and declare America the most powerful country for the rest of time.

JFK was also married to Jackie Onassis, a stunning piece of ass.  But that wasn’t enough to satisfy his monster pecker, so on the side he was fucking several other women, including the one that was considered the hottest chick in the entire country, Marilyn Monroe.  The hottest chick in the most powerful country in the world doesn’t fuck around with inch worm dicks.  She craved a hog, and a hog is what she got.  And keep in mind that even his scorching hot wife and the hottest chick in the country weren’t enough to satisfy him, as other women have also admitted to affairs.  That, my friends, is a man with a big, hungry dick.

There you have it.  This is by no means an all-inclusive big-dicked-presidents-of-the-United-States list.  Rutherford B. Hayes, for example, seems to me to be the type of guy with a larger than average crank.  But these are the noteworthy ones.  These are the guys that most assuredly did some tissue damage in more than one bedroom.  So here’s to you President Obama, and all of the others that have come before you.  And here’s to our fine country being led by some of the biggest dicks that have ever lived!

Here — read one of my poems.  If you like it, I’ve got more.  If not — fuck you.

A Question of Semantics

Who came up with pussy as a name for a cunt?
Who called it a clam or a gash?
Or beaver, or goat, or snapper or snatch
Who came up with poontang, I ask?

A song has called it the Cherry Pie
Yet another the Nappy Dugout
Myself, I’ve called it the box or the muff
The cockpit, the twat and the trout.

Then there’s the less used, but still classic terms
Like fur burger, pink taco or slit
Or monkey, muffin or cock wallet
Or camel toe when it is split

Hundreds of terms for one little spot
But the pussy’s the one that holds tight
I just wonder the thinking, does it look like a cat?
Does it purr when you rub it just right?

Well pussy is here to stay I am sure
But the truth be told in the end
We guys should all start to call it her dog
After all, it’s man’s best friend.

I’d most likely fuck Spongebob Squarepants if the opportunity presented itself.  He’s always prancing around in his underwear, which makes me think he likes to get busy.  He also seems to be in fairly decent shape.   And with all of those holes, the sexual combinations are seemingly endless.

He’s not human, so I don’t  believe it would be a gay move on my part.

I don’t condone bestiality.  In fact, I think it’s wrong on many levels.  That being said, I have admittedly wondered about monkeys.  Do monkeys have clits?  Part of me wants to Google that shit, but I fear that what I find may change a lot of  things for me.

I’m bored.  When I get bored, I do new shit.  Sometimes it’s sexual, like when I was bored last week and decided to try fucking a cup of yogurt (don’t waste your time).  Other times, like today, it’s not.  Today I decided to start blogging on Porny Little Devil.  That way, when you’ve been hitting the porn a little too often and your dick looks like an 8 year old scratching post, you can come here and relax a bit and read the ramblings of a deeply disturbed motherfucker.

I’m going to call my new blog area The Devil’s Tits.  Why?  Because I love the word tits, mainly.  Plus, I believe I can use  ”tits” to mean “random thoughts.”  Why not?  They fucking used “tits” to mean drugs on the HBO show Oz, so I figure that gives me the green light to fuck with the word however I please.  If you don’t like it, don’t blame me…blame HBO.  Those assholes started it.

The site: HousewifeKelly.com

The price:$24.95 for the first month; $19.95 recurring

The verdict: Something WAY more special than I was ever expecting.   10 out of 10.

Rating: 10 out of 10 stars (10/10)

To join, click here: www.housewifekelly.com

No mortal shirt can contain these beasts!

Have you ever gotten flat out fucking bored while you were jerking off?  That happens to me on a lot of “pro” sites from time to time.  One time

I was beating my dick and got a little sidetracked thinking about whether I had paid the electric bill for the month or not.  Next thing I knew,

I was second in line at the post office, naked and flogging the chowder out of my cock right there in the lobby.  Moral of the story:  Stick to

amateur couple porn (and have all of your bills automatically deducted from your bank account each month).

It’s very rare that a couple comes along and knocks the everloving shit out of me with their site, especially a couple that’s been flying below

the radar.  But I’m here to help change all of that shit right now.  Stephanie and her husband have put together the greatest husband and wife

site that you’ve never heard of, SexWithStephanie.com. Take that shit to the sperm bank.  So get lathered up and ready, because in my opinion,

this shit’s so good you just might beat off to my review before actually going to their site and hammering a dozen or so out (per day, of

course).

Let’s start with the obligatory physical description of our lady of the hour, Stephanie.  Firstly, she’s got an extraordinary set of tits.

Ahem…I mean an extraordinary set of REAL tits.  In fact, everything about her is real.  She’s 5′5″, 114 lbs., 34D (as in “Damn, those are some

nice, real titties!”).  And by far my favorite thing about her is her perfect — and I mean 100% perfect — ass.  The best way I can describe her

is to say that she looks like a sexy secretary — but not like a chick trying to go out of her way to be that.  She’s naturally hot as shit and,

at the same time, down to Earth.

Not only in bed, but also on the site.  You see, she runs this motherfucker all by herself.  No big companies to fuck shit up or tell lies or

jack up the price.  This site is something of a hobby for her and her husband (they both have day jobs), and just like you get a kick out of your

hobby of playing World of Warcraft or flying little remote controlled airplanes or whatever the fuck it is that you do for shits and grins –

Stephanie and her husband really enjoy this shit and have a lot of fun doing it.  And that, my friends, is blatantly evident in every scene that

they do.  No going through the motions for a quick update here.  They love the SHIT out of this.

Let me give you an example of some of the stellar cock splintering shit you’re going to see here.  Remember our beloved Housewife Kelly?  Well,

Stephanie and her man met up with Kelly and her man in a hotel room at the Foxwoods Casino.  The video of the encounter blew me the fuck away.

There was constant fucking, switching, pussy eating and on and on.  The ladies were moaning and yelling so loudly (and it wasn’t fake acting shit

– it was true pleasure yelling), that the management kept calling the room to tell them to shut the fuck up.  At one point, Stephanie’s pussy is

so fucking wet and sloshy and Kelly’s husband is hammering her so hard, it literally sounds like a Clydesdale galloping through a quarter-mile

mud puddle.  Eventually, she finished him off with her specialty — a ball numbing blow job to milk the snake.  The entire foursome scene is one

that this grizzled veteran would put at or near the top of ANY fucking list of greats.

And that’s just a fucking taste.  All of the scenes are memorable — fucking every single one of them.  It’s truly a great amateur couple site,

and the thing about this couple is that they don’t edit their shit into short clips to milk it.  It’s not uncommon at all for them to have scenes

over 45 minutes that they have to break up into a couple of parts, presumably so you don’t get carried away and rip your cock off of its

foundation and hurl it at the fucking wall in sexual glee (like I accidentally did).

The fee is a scant $19.95 per month.  Sure, that sounds “common”, and it is — but only in price.  $20 is a decent price for almost any porn

site, but for this site, it’s a god damned steal.  There’s about 2 years or so worth of material already on the site (shit loads of videos), and

they update all the fucking time. Plus, you get that personal touch that you love to find on a site, but rarely do.  All of the behind the scenes

and in front of the camera work is done by Stephanie and her husband.  And that also means when you send an email, she’s the one you’re gonna be

talking to and hearing from.

If you have ever believed anything that I have ever written or said, believe this — in the near future, Sex With Stephanie will be a household

name amongst amateur porn lovers such as yourself.  You’d better fucking believe it — and you’d better go check it out for yourself.

This is the fucking shit, people.  This is EXACTLY the kind of porn I like to stumble upon.  Why?  Because it makes my dick harder than Chinese arithmetic and it makes me cum like a one-man bukkake fest.  A pure, raw amateur housewife that likes to fuck on the internet.  No studios, no fancy lighting, no actors or actresses, no corporation running the site, no bullshit – just a couple (and their friends) and a camera.  I’m telling you right now this fucker’s getting a 10 ranking…but read on.

Kelly herself is actually very sexy.  Not in a way that you’d see her walking down the street and literally get a boner and cum in your trousers – more of the “that chick is pretty fucking sexy, I wish I could see her get nailed” type of hot.  36-28-34.  Her hair is sort of strawberry blonde and her eyes are green.  Perfect body, actually – not rail thin, but not an ounce overweight either.

Her and her husband Shawn started fuck-filming a couple of years ago, back in 2006.  That was after gaining years of experience at swingers clubs (Kelly is bisexual and Shawn lets her fuck other women AND men).  On their site, they have a shitload of videos (apparently they stay busy fucking a lot) and they don’t just roll around the same old bed with the two of them.  There are orgies, public fucks, a 4 woman masturbation session, threesomes, girl on girl, acting out members’ requests – and countless additional situations.  They add videos regularly, and between updates they blog constantly.

$24.95 will get you the first month, and $19.95 will get you each month thereafter.  I am always amazed that sites like this – sites with REAL fucking and REAL couples, are comparable in price to other types of sties (or even cheaper).  The material is so much more erotic here since you know it’s really happening, and some scrungy fucker is not yelling “CUT!” off and on.  I swear – I take deals like this each and every time they come along.  And as a bonus you get about 10 or so additional sites for free – but I will probably not even fuck with them as they are not at all like Kelly’s here.  That being said, she does have links to a good deal of her “friends” — all of whom are amateur swingers like Kelly and Shawn here.  I am definitely checking them out!

Shawn and Kelly emailed us and asked us to review their site.  I expected, as with many others who have done this, some corporate site that was good enough – but nothing special.  I got something WAY more special than I was ever expecting.

10 out of 10

Visit HousewifeKelly.com

The site: SexWithStephanie.com

The price:$19.95 per month

The verdict: The best husband and wife amateur couple site that you’ve never heard of.   10 out of 10.

Rating: 10 out of 10 stars (10/10)

There's more where this came from.

To join, click here: www.sexwithstephanie.com

Have you ever gotten flat out fucking bored while you were jerking off?  That happens to me on a lot of “pro” sites from time to time.  One time

I was beating my dick and got a little sidetracked thinking about whether I had paid the electric bill for the month or not.  Next thing I knew,

I was second in line at the post office, naked and flogging the chowder out of my cock right there in the lobby.  Moral of the story:  Stick to

amateur couple porn (and have all of your bills automatically deducted from your bank account each month).

It’s very rare that a couple comes along and knocks the everloving shit out of me with their site, especially a couple that’s been flying below

the radar.  But I’m here to help change all of that shit right now.  Stephanie and her husband have put together the greatest husband and wife

site that you’ve never heard of, SexWithStephanie.com. Take that shit to the sperm bank.  So get lathered up and ready, because in my opinion,

this shit’s so good you just might beat off to my review before actually going to their site and hammering a dozen or so out (per day, of

course).

Let’s start with the obligatory physical description of our lady of the hour, Stephanie.  Firstly, she’s got an extraordinary set of tits.

Ahem…I mean an extraordinary set of REAL tits.  In fact, everything about her is real.  She’s 5′5″, 114 lbs., 34D (as in “Damn, those are some

nice, real titties!”).  And by far my favorite thing about her is her perfect — and I mean 100% perfect — ass.  The best way I can describe her

is to say that she looks like a sexy secretary — but not like a chick trying to go out of her way to be that.  She’s naturally hot as shit and,

at the same time, down to Earth.

Not only in bed, but also on the site.  You see, she runs this motherfucker all by herself.  No big companies to fuck shit up or tell lies or

jack up the price.  This site is something of a hobby for her and her husband (they both have day jobs), and just like you get a kick out of your

hobby of playing World of Warcraft or flying little remote controlled airplanes or whatever the fuck it is that you do for shits and grins –

Stephanie and her husband really enjoy this shit and have a lot of fun doing it.  And that, my friends, is blatantly evident in every scene that

they do.  No going through the motions for a quick update here.  They love the SHIT out of this.

Let me give you an example of some of the stellar cock splintering shit you’re going to see here.  Remember our beloved Housewife Kelly?  Well,

Stephanie and her man met up with Kelly and her man in a hotel room at the Foxwoods Casino.  The video of the encounter blew me the fuck away.

There was constant fucking, switching, pussy eating and on and on.  The ladies were moaning and yelling so loudly (and it wasn’t fake acting shit

– it was true pleasure yelling), that the management kept calling the room to tell them to shut the fuck up.  At one point, Stephanie’s pussy is

so fucking wet and sloshy and Kelly’s husband is hammering her so hard, it literally sounds like a Clydesdale galloping through a quarter-mile

mud puddle.  Eventually, she finished him off with her specialty — a ball numbing blow job to milk the snake.  The entire foursome scene is one

that this grizzled veteran would put at or near the top of ANY fucking list of greats.

And that’s just a fucking taste.  All of the scenes are memorable — fucking every single one of them.  It’s truly a great amateur couple site,

and the thing about this couple is that they don’t edit their shit into short clips to milk it.  It’s not uncommon at all for them to have scenes

over 45 minutes that they have to break up into a couple of parts, presumably so you don’t get carried away and rip your cock off of its

foundation and hurl it at the fucking wall in sexual glee (like I accidentally did).

The fee is a scant $19.95 per month.  Sure, that sounds “common”, and it is — but only in price.  $20 is a decent price for almost any porn

site, but for this site, it’s a god damned steal.  There’s about 2 years or so worth of material already on the site (shit loads of videos), and

they update all the fucking time. Plus, you get that personal touch that you love to find on a site, but rarely do.  All of the behind the scenes

and in front of the camera work is done by Stephanie and her husband.  And that also means when you send an email, she’s the one you’re gonna be

talking to and hearing from.

If you have ever believed anything that I have ever written or said, believe this — in the near future, Sex With Stephanie will be a household

name amongst amateur porn lovers such as yourself.  You’d better fucking believe it — and you’d better go check it out for yourself.

Have you ever gotten flat out fucking bored while you were jerking off?  That happens to me on a lot of “pro” sites from time to time.  One time I was beating my dick and got a little sidetracked thinking about whether I had paid the electric bill for the month.  Next thing I knew, I was second in line at the post office, naked and flogging the chowder out of my cock right there in the lobby.  Moral of the story:  Stick to amateur couple porn (and have all of your bills automatically deducted from your bank account each month).

It’s very rare that a couple comes along and knocks the everloving shit out of me with their site, especially a couple that’s been flying below the radar.  But I’m here to help change all of that shit right now.  Stephanie and her husband have put together the greatest husband and wife site that you’ve never heard of, SexWithStephanie.com. Take that shit to the sperm bank.  So get lathered up and ready, because in my opinion, this shit’s so good you just might beat off to my review before actually going to their site and hammering a dozen or so out (per day, of course).

Let’s start with the obligatory physical description of our lady of the hour, Stephanie.  Firstly, she’s got an extraordinary set of tits.  Ahem…I mean an extraordinary set of REAL tits.  In fact, everything about her is real.  She’s 5′5″, 114 lbs., 34D (as in “Damn, those are some nice, real titties!”).  And by far my favorite thing about her is her perfect — and I mean 100% perfect — ass.  The best way I can describe her is to say that she looks like a sexy secretary — but not like a chick trying to go out of her way to be that.  She’s naturally hot as shit and, at the same time, down to Earth.

Not only in bed, but also on the site.  You see, she runs this motherfucker all by herself.  No big companies to fuck shit up or tell lies or jack up the price.  This site is something of a hobby for her and her husband (they both have day jobs), and just like you get a kick out of your hobby of playing World of Warcraft or flying little remote controlled airplanes or whatever the fuck it is that you do for shits and grins – Stephanie and her husband really enjoy this shit and have a lot of fun doing it.  And that, my friends, is blatantly evident in every scene that they do.  No going through the motions for a quick update here.  They love the SHIT out of this.

Let me give you an example of some of the stellar cock splintering shit you’re going to see here.  Remember our beloved Housewife Kelly?  Well, Stephanie and her man met up with Kelly and her man in a hotel room at the Foxwoods Casino.  The video of the encounter blew me the fuck away.  There was constant fucking, switching, pussy eating and on and on.  The ladies were moaning and yelling so loudly (and it wasn’t fake acting shit – it was true pleasure yelling), that the management kept calling the room to tell them to shut the fuck up.  At one point, Stephanie’s pussy is so fucking wet and sloshy and Kelly’s husband is hammering her so hard, it literally sounds like a Clydesdale galloping through a quarter-mile mud puddle.  Eventually, she finished him off with her specialty — a ball numbing blow job to milk the snake.  The entire foursome scene is one that this grizzled veteran would put at or near the top of ANY fucking list of greats.

And that’s just a fucking taste.  All of the scenes are memorable — fucking every single one of them.  It’s truly a great amateur couple site, and the thing about this couple is that they don’t edit their shit into short clips to milk it.  It’s not uncommon at all for them to have scenes over 45 minutes that they have to break up into a couple of parts, presumably so you don’t get carried away and rip your cock off of its foundation and hurl it at the fucking wall in sexual glee (like I accidentally did).

The fee is a scant $19.95 per month.  Sure, that sounds “common”, and it is — but only in price.  $20 is a decent price for almost any porn site, but for this site, it’s a god damned steal.  There’s about 2 years or so worth of material already on the site (shit loads of videos), and they update all the fucking time. Plus, you get that personal touch that you love to find on a site, but rarely do.  All of the behind the scenes and in front of the camera work is done by Stephanie and her husband.  And that also means when you send an email, she’s the one you’re gonna be talking to and hearing from.

If you have ever believed anything that I have ever written or said, believe this — in the near future, Sex With Stephanie will be a household name amongst amateur porn lovers such as yourself.  You’d better fucking believe it — and you’d better go check it out for yourself.

Visit SexWithStephanie.com

The site: milfseeker.com

The price:$1.00 trial, $24.95 per month

The verdict: Nice mobile MILF site. Get a one day trial, go on the road and whack that dick. 7 out of 10.

The site: herfirstbigcock.com

The price:$1.00 trial, $24.95 per month

The verdict: That’s what it’s made for — for you to be able to get high quality, excellent porn right there in your hand. No, your OTHER hand. So, dick in your one hand, porn in the other. You’ve got the whole world in your fucking hands, man! 7 out of 10.

Licorice lips.

The site: smoke4you.com

The price:$1.00 trial, $29.95 per month

The verdict: This kind of fetish is certainly appealing for some but not this hardcore smoker. I’d rather live it. 4 out of 10.