|
For all you chumps
who DON'T spend each day of the week sitting in front of your
computer all day in a bathrobe trolling for new porn sites
to aid your masturbation, to you I say... well, I understand.
You've got a day job, school, or whatever. But I don't, ok,
so don't you sit there and judge me, punk. But anyway, about
this Hot Movies site. It's called VOD, or "video on demand."
Sound familiar? Your cable company has probably
been trying to cram it down your throat lately; basically,
they offer you 100 or so movies that you can watch at your
leisure, and in return, you pretend not to be enraged when
their lazy cocksucker technician guarantees he'll be there
between 8 a.m. and noon, but then strolls up at 3 p.m. without
so much as a "Sorry I'm late."
But as is usually the case, the porn world
has the regular world beat hands-down (where else will your
sister's best friend suck your cock in return for fixing her
flat tire?). The Hot Movies website has over 30,000 available
for your viewing pleasure. 30,000, for God's sake, from straight-up
professional porn tto trannys to overweight grandmas to amateur
twinks from the Czech Republic sucking each other off. If
you don't find the fetish you're into at Hot Movies, then
give it up now, because it's probably illegal.
And remember, these aren't 30,000 video clips.
These are 30,000 full-length movies -- you know, the two-hour
kind that you used to rent from behind the little "adults
only" sign at your local video store before the Web came
along. Not only is there enough video here to satisfy any
human being for the rest of his/her natural life, but you
can find something brand new and extremely strokeworthy on
a DAILY BASIS. This is the only site I've ever reviewed that
I can make that statement about.
What's the catch? Well, you do have to pay
by the minute, but in my case, that turns out to be a good
thing. The minutes are very reasonably priced -- 120 minutes
for $14.95, for instance, and even cheaper if you buy more
at one time. That's enough time for at least 20 or 25 intense
ejaculations into a crumpled-up Kleenex while my wife sleeps
in the next room, my friend. And no recurring billing, either!
Just recharge your minute whenever you run out.
I enjoy looking up scenes from porn movies
past that have stuck in my head for some reason over the years,
and watching them all over again. For example, Up & Cummers
10 and 11, where porn veteran Randy West fucks a tiny little
19-year-old nympho -- named Jenna Jameson -- in her first-ever
hardcore scene. We're talking collector's items here. It's
like having two old friends come visit me after not seeing
them for a decade. And then having one friend fuck the other
one in the ass and then cum all over her face, right here
in my office. Phenomenal.
No one gets a perfect 10 in my book -- hey,
nobody's perfect, right? -- but Hot Movies is about as close
as it gets.
|
