"I'M CUMMING!!! I'M FUCKING CUMMING!" Oops...I think I pooped a little too.
I wonder if Laura Bush is a gusher? I fucking KNOW Barbara Bush is – that old cunt could shoot a geyser farther than 78% of the gals you see on adult sites. The Bush twins are definitely squirters – they get that from Grandma. But Laura? Hmmm…I’m not so sure. I bet she swaps cum with Lynne Cheney – but I’m gonna bet she can’t squirt. Maybe a little trickle – but no more.
I’m kidding. Maybe. But there’s nothing funny about these top level leakers. Squirting pussy juice is some serious bidness.
"Take it balls and all, BITCH!!"
I wonder if any other species besides humans like to get butt fucked? Smart money says monkeys take the 3rd input, but I am betting there are others. I’d like to see a giraffe go turd burgling. And I can’t imagine a greater form of entertainment than seeing an unnecessarily violent ass raping by a lowlands gorilla.
Here’s a site that allegedly has girls taking ham up the crapper for the first time. While I don’t believe that, I do believe that it’s some good whacking material.
For the record — I don’t consider very many cocks “impossible” based upon size. I’ve seen more cocks than a chicken farmer, and you’ve got small, average, big, very large and bullshit (which are obviously prosthetic cocks). Not impossible. Now…if the cock has a hinge in it, can do the wave and or it speaks — then yes, it’s impossible.
That being said, the cocks on Impossible Cocks are, for the most part, in the very large category. No freakishly obvious fakes, no Tetris cocks. Just some damage wielding dongs hammering away at flesh pudding.
"Holy shit! I'm gonna fuck a black chick. I'M GONNA FUCK A BLACK CHICK!!!"
What’s the strangest thing you’ve ever fucked? I have a few up at the top of the list. Once, I hollowed out an antelope’s thigh bone, lubed it up and fucked the shit out of it. That was odd. I also fucked a disconnected trachea – same antelope. That felt better than the bone. Side note: I have since been banned from hunting in the lower 48 states.
That has nothing to do with this wonderful site – Interracial Sex Zone. If you love to watch people of different colors shove different colored body parts into other, differently colored body parts – then this site is for you.
Mmmmmm...tastes like licorice.
you start to whack! At least I do. I saw a black chick in the grocery store today that I wanted to fuck so badly I could fucking taste it. I had to go jerk off in the produce section just to get be swelled nuts down to size so I could walk out of that motherfucker. I came home and immediately dialed up Black Creamy Pies and went another round with my dick.
Emily Post is rolling over in her grave.
It’s been a little while since I slobbered and drooled over one of the most fantastic amateur starlets to ever walk the streets of the world wide web – Houswife Kelly. Publicly, that is. Privately, I slick my dong to her AT LEAST four times per week. During this holiday season, I have been slipping a stocking over my hog and jacking off. I like to pretend that Santa Claus is giving me a foot job while Housewife Kelly watches us and frigs her poon in the corner.
Some of Joan Jett's early work.
Why is it that I write with my right hand, but jerk off with my left? If I were to try to whack with my right hand, it’d be like a retarded Eskimo trying to spear a seal with his feet. I think it’s because my creator wanted me to be able to jerk off and leave my right hand free to smack myself in the face right before I cum.
Speaking of beating off – today would be a great day to do that to some lesbo porn. Fuck yeah it would.
The dude on the right seems to be more interested in the dude on the left, rather than what's between them.
If I had my own porn site, er…I mean if I started ANOTHER porn site, I think I’d call it Boner Blisters. That’s what I get when I go to a really good porno site, so I figure it would attract a lot of people. Other names in the running are Vaseline and Veins, Pantless For Weeks, and More Salve Please.
Speaking of good smut – here are some people purportedly fucking each other’s wives.
"I said swallow it, not let it run down your fucking chin!"
I used to know a guy that would beat off and save his semen. He kept it in an old Smucker’s Boysenberry Jam jar. He seemed to think that if he saved up enough of it, he could use the supernatural powers of semen to create and perfect unassisted human flight. It never worked, but oh how I admired his vision.
Go beat off to this shit.
Twenties...fifties...fives...tens...
Reality Kings. Did you hear me motherfucker? I said REALITY KINGS! Why am I yelling about it? Only because it’s the BEST FUCKING PORN SITE EVER!
Christ. Listen up and go slick one out to it.