Asian Parade Mobile Website Review

by The Devil (admin)

asian-parade-mobile

The site: asianparade.com

The price:$1.00 trial, $19.95 per month

The verdict: If you like Asian chicks, mobile phones and beating off, here you go! 7.5 out of 10.

Rating: ★★★★★★★½☆☆ (7.5/10)

To join, click here:www.asianparade.com

Are you thinking what I’m thinking? Probably not, but here it is anyway — a porno site called Asian Parade had BETTER be a gaggle of naked Chinese chicks, prancing around a filthy city street amongst various, hanging fowl carcasses, flaunting sparklers and one of those giant, snake-like China-dragons.

Damn. No such luck. But this may be the next best thing — AsianParade.com is an all Asian smut site made specifically for smart phones. That means you can whittle your wood on the road…anywhere, anytime. Not that you couldn’t or didn’t do that before — but now you can actually look at high quality, clear and crisp porn videos, instead of looking at that crusty old bag lady sitting in her own shit on the back of the bus.

The good thing, in my opinion, about mobile sites like AsianParade is that they are very straightforward. There’s no room for bullshit on a mobile phone, so they cut out the unnecessary crap and leave only what you want — the puss. And speaking of that, the gash is top rate. All Asians (of course), and all really top notch. Not like that mean Asian cunt that yells at you when she takes your order at The China Star Restaurant.

Even more luckily for you and I — they have the highly coveted $1 trial on this site. $1 will only get you a day– but oh boy what a day it will be. I bet you donuts to dollars that you will walk around the streets of Anyplace, USA for 24 hours, fucking your fist all the while. When you’re done, you can join monthly for only $20. That’s a hell of a deal, fellas.

If you like Asian chicks, mobile phones and beating off, here you go!

7.5 out of 10

Visit AsianParade.com

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Extreme Babes Website Review

by The Devil (admin)

PLD3

The site: extremebabes.com

The price:$1.00 trial, $19.95 per month

The verdict: Not too shabby at all. Mobile smut is the way of the future, folks. Time to get with it. Start with Extreme Babes. 8 out of 10.

Rating: ★★★★★★★★☆☆ (8/10)

To join, click here:www.extremebabes.com

If you’re like me — wait, you’re probably not…but still — if you need some crazier than usual shit to get a nut, then no amount of college chickery, MILF sexery or hot chickening will do the trick. You need some fucked up shit to take you to the promised land. Me? Well, these days it pretty much takes a half pint of heavy whipping cream, a subscription to Highlights Magazine and a black scorpion stinging me in the nutsack for me to even contemplate having an orgasm.

ExtremeBabes.com features hot, professional gals doing everything from sucking monstrous dicks to shoving produce in their cunts to squirting titty milk across the room. If you want something off the beaten path, you need a site like ExtremeBabes.

And, of course, it’s mobile. That means you can take that sick, freaky little secret fetish of yours on the road where it belongs. Hole your freaky self up in a no tell motel and speed bag your cock to some of the kinkiest shit on wheels.

Go grab yourself a one day trial. It’s only a dollar — even cheaper than that giant cucumber that Rachel shoves into her pink twat on this site. If you like it, and the general consensus of life says that you will, you can get the entire site of unlimited downloads for less than $20 per month. Think about it — this mobile shit is cheaper per MONTH than renting just 2 hotel room porns. And they usually don’t show this kind of freaky shit in the Radisson.

Not too shabby at all. Mobile smut is the way of the future, folks. Time to get with it. Start with Extreme Babes.

8 out of 10

Visit ExtremeBabes.com

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Cutest Girls Website Review

by The Devil (admin)

cutest-girls

The site: cutestgirls.com

The price:$1.00 trial, $9.95 per month

The verdict: But you can get a day for only $1, so that’s damn worth it for sure. And who knows — you might love this shit. I’m sure many do, since it’s a big time site. Go check it out for a day — it might change your life. 6.5 out of 10.

Rating: ★★★★★★½☆☆☆ (6.5/10)

To join, click here:www.cutestgirls.com

Know the problem with going out and trying to score a real, live under-21 chick? You never know if that sneaky bitch is lying about her age or not. In fact, you can assume she is, as that little cunt’s mouth is moving and, assuming your dick is not in it, lying’s about all it does until she’s 30 years old. That’s why I only check out the college aged crowd on porn sites. Safe sex at it’s safest, my friends. Then, when you want a real slab of cunny, you can drag yourself to the bar at closing time and lip one of the late night straggler MILFs.

Okay — so the first good part of the site is that it’s mobile. Usually I mention the hot chicks first (and there are PLENTY of them here), but it’s worth mentioning right from the get go that this is not an ordinary site that shows up tiny on your smart phone. This is formulated for you to watch right on your phone, clear as fuck, and whack your smelly cock off to. It’s damn, damn good shit on the go.

Secondly, as mentioned, the chicks are stunning. These aren’t amateurs, these aren’t the chicks next door. These are bitches that would cost you your house and car just for a BJ. But they’d be worth it, especially considering the fact that you live in your Mom’s house still, and that your car has a Domino’s sign welded to the top of it.

There is bad, though, and that’s the fact that it’s not all that graphic. “Tastefully nude,” is how they put it. That draws an immediate yawn from me. Maybe I’m just a sick fuck, but I NEED me some hardcore penetration shit to get a nut. Gotta have it. A site like this is okay for a warm up, but I need more to finish Ol’ Charley off.

But you can get a day for only $1, so that’s damn worth it for sure. And who knows — you might love this shit. I’m sure many do, since it’s a big time site. Go check it out for a day — it might change your life.

6.5 out of 10

Visit CutestGirls.com

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Gay Takes Website Review

by The Devil (admin)

PLD31

The site: gaytakes.com

The price:$9.99 for three months

The verdict: Gay Takes keeps what you love best about tube sites — namely the abundance of great pro and amateur videos — and leaves out the bullshit. 8.5 out of 10.

Rating: ★★★★★★★★½☆ (8.5/10)

To join, click here:www.gaytakes.com

I know there’s a lame joke somewhere in the whole “gay tube site” idea, but I’m not even going to go there.

These fellas don’t fuck around. You know how a lot of sites will have some guys posing on the front page, maybe naked, possibly hard? Well, that’s for the little guys. This is big guy shit, here. GayTakes.com puts it right out front, with guys fucking and sucking right from the get go.

GayTakes is basically a video sharing, tube site, that was created when several sites formed a collaboration and put all of their “heads together”, so to speak (pun intended). And when several people get join forces, what you get is one large collection, with daily updates, live sex, forums, communities and a partridge in a fucking bear tree (get it? BEAR tree? I kill me!).

The best thing about Gay Takes, besides the obvious, is the dirt cheap membership fee. Got a ten spot on you? If so, that will get you in — for 90 days. Yep, $9.99 for a 90 day membership. And that’s not a trial membership fee either. That will renew at the exact same price after your first 90 days is up. Just like a sore peter, you can’t beat that!

And it’s important to note that they don’t cater to one particular “type” either. You will find whatever type of guy you’re into here amongst their hundreds of videos. And if by some bizarre reason you don’t — wait a day or two. He’ll be there.

Gay Takes keeps what you love best about tube sites — namely the abundance of great pro and amateur videos — and leaves out the bullshit.

8.5 out of 10

Visit GayTakes.com

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PV Strips Website Review

by The Devil (admin)

pv-strips

The site: pvstrips.com

The price:$1.00 trial, $19.95 per month

The verdict: All in all, it wasn’t my favorite site, but I love the mobile format. Go mobile, you road warrior, you. 6 out of 10.

Rating: ★★★★★★☆☆☆☆ (6/10)

To join, click here:www.pvstrips.com

I’m not a huge fan of gentlemens clubs, I have to admit. They’re a frustrating mess for me. I can’t touch ‘em, I can’t fuck ‘em, and when I start to beat off in the $14 diet soda I just bought them, they get all cunty with me.

The other shitty thing is that, no matter how many times I beg and beg, they won’t come into the bathroom with me. Fucking prudes. But now, folks, now I can skip the failed convincing. Now I can get all hard and bendy up in the private area with a lap dance, then shuffle off to a shit stall, pull out my smart phone, crank up a video on PVStrips.com, and smack out a “strip club stall special” (this term is copyrighted and may not be reused or retransmitted in any form without the express written consent of Satan himself).

Mobile porn is the last frontier before they actually start creating robots that are stored next to the hotel room mini-bar that we can all set up and fuck while were out of town on business. Until they perfect that little slice of nirvana, my #1 crank choice is to go on to my smart phone and look at unlimited smut at sites like this here PVStrips.

This particular site, however, is not my #1 choice. That’s because the chicks are basically digitized strippers. That’s cool if you dig the tease aspect. I don’t handle that very well. These are videos of chicks stripping, behind the scenes videos and all kinds of shit like that. But to their credit, the chicks are a lot hotter on here than in Club Rose that you’re currently thinking of going to about 2 clicks down the road from that hotel you’re staying at in Hoboken.

Do this — open your Star Wars wallet up and look inside. How much cash do you have? Do you have $1? Can I borrow it? Just kidding — take that $1 and use it to join this site for a day just to see what you think. That’s all you need, feller. And you only need that $20 bill sitting next to it for full, unlimited access for an entire THIRTY days. Not a bad deal.

All in all, it wasn’t my favorite site, but I love the mobile format. Go mobile, you road warrior, you.

6 out of 10

Visit PVStrips.com

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Mobile Milf Videos Website Review

by The Devil (admin)

mobile-milf-videos

The site: mobilemilfvideos.com

The price:$1.00 trial, $19.95 per month

The verdict: A really dandy mobile wank site. I’d fucking buy it to fend off that lonely night in Albuquerque, I’ll tell you that much. 8 out of 10.

Rating: ★★★★★★★★☆☆ (8/10)

To join, click here:www.mobilemilfvideos.com

I love the upsurge in all of this Cougar talk. MILFs, Cougars and Whores, oh my! I think it’s fan-fucking-tastic that older ladies are finally getting their due. The snotty little fresh cunts have ruled the scene far too long for being inexperienced and unprepared to wrangle when a big feller comes swinging before their face. A MILF, on the other hand, can tackle that veiner, make it submit in less than 2.5 seconds and have that crank crying, “Uncle” before one of those other chicks would even be able to pick a dick out of a lineup. That’s what’s up.

And what’s better than getting some pussy videos of stunning MILFs while you’re on the road and NOT paying a cock and a ball for the pay per view at the hotel? Nothing, fuckers…that’s what. And now you can use your smart phone more and more often to get loads of high quality porn. That’s right — for $20 per month you can get unlimited access to MobileMILFVideos.com.

Of course, I am at paragraph 3 and haven’t mentioned the talent level yet, which means you’re as cranky as a crocodile with the clap. Well, it’s fucking top notch. The MILFs they have in their stable are true porn stars. Top level talent — the shit that fantasies are made of, man. And there’s tons of it, too. One thing it doesn’t appear you’re going to have to worry about as a member of MobileMILFVideos, and that’s talent level and amount of content.

And price is of no concern at Mobile MILF Videos either. $20 per month is dirt cheap for shit like this. And if you’re still skiddish, a) stop being such a fucking pussy, it’s just $20 and b) try their one day, $1 trial membership. That ought to get your panties wet enough to get off your wallet and give it a try.

A really dandy mobile wank site. I’d fucking buy it to fend off that lonely night in Albuquerque, I’ll tell you that much.

8 out of 10

Visit MobileMilfVideos.com

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Ariel X Website Review

by The Devil (admin)

Nice rump you have there, Ariel.

Nice rump you have there, Ariel.

The site: arielx.com

The price:$19.95 per month

The verdict: Excellent on all fronts. 10 out of 10.

Rating: ★★★★★★★★★★ (10/10)

To join, click here:www.arielx.com

“My favorite form of birth control is butt sex.”

– Ariel X

How’s that for a fucking ice breaker? Seems like we’re off on the right foot here at ArielX.com. A chick who loves to let me unload the chowder into her shitter already has 90% of the qualities I am looking for in a chick. If she can cook and is unable to speak, I will propose right now.

Another personal bonus is that she’s brunette, tattooed and a heavy drinker. These are a few of my favorite things. In addition she’s incredibly gorgeous, has smaller tits, she’s into other chicks, and for fuck’s sake — she’s a fucking porn star! God, I love her.

I’ve never really been deep into fetish stuff, but if anyone could take me there, I think it could be Ariel X. There’s just something about her look that really makes my balls start to get hotter than usual and my weiner to begin to enlarge beneath my trouser zipper.

$19.95 is the fee for a monthly membership. This, as you probably know, is about $10 cheaper than a lot of porn sites. It’s true that many of those offer other free sites, but in all honesty a lot of them just throw a bunch of shit onto these sites. Ariel X is more well thought out, more well done. She seems to really give a shit how she comes off to the public, and it shows on her site.

Excellent on all fronts.

10 out of 10

Visit ArielX.com

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Dana DeArmond Website Review

by The Devil (admin)

Dana is too young to have saggy titties.

Dana is too young to have saggy titties.

The site: danadearmond.com

The price:$19.95 per month

The verdict: Pretty good stuff if Dana floats your boat. Incredibly hot brunettes who eat pussy generally do the trick for me. 8 out of 10.

Rating: ★★★★★★★★☆☆ (8/10)

To join, click here:www.danadearmond.com

Hey — I remember this Dana DeArmond freak. She’s that smoking hot chick that was some sort of MySpace sensation before she got into bondage porn (note: MySpace was a social website a long, long time ago. You can read about it in history books. It was sort of like FaceBook if FaceBook were made by the same company that made the Bedazzler, and if it were overrun and controlled by 13-16 year olds).

Anyhoo — here she is at DanaDearmond.com. Titties and pussy are apparently persona non grata on MySpace, but here on her own site she can make up for lost time by showing us the inner hole of her vagina, as well as how nicely her tongue fits into the vaginas of other female humans.

She also documents just about everything on her site, either in photos or videos. There’s a wide variety of styles too — ranging from grainy, web cam like material, to very high quality, artsy shit. That’s good, because I get bored with just one type of video, and at a place like DanDDearmond my boner won’t lose interest.

$19.95 will get you Dana DeArmond — and many two-tittied friends — for an entire month. There are other plans as well — the longer you join for, the cheaper it is. I’d make a suggestion as to which you should buy, but I’m a fucking pornographer, not a financial advisor. Christ, just flip your hog out and pick one already.

Pretty good stuff if Dana floats your boat. Incredibly hot brunettes who eat pussy generally do the trick for me.

8 out of 10

Visit DanaDeArmond.com

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Fetish Muse Website Review

by The Devil (admin)

Ack Ack Ack.

Ack Ack Ack.

The site: fetishmuse.com

The price:$19.95 per month

The verdict: $20 will get you a monthly to this here Fetish Muse, which is not too bad if you can dig only photos of an international fetish sensation. Not for me, but hey — knock yourself out 6 out of 10.

Rating: ★★★★★★☆☆☆☆ (6/10)

To join, click here:www.fetishmuse.com

How much do you shitheads want to believe that I’ve actually fucked a bald bitch? Fuckin’ A right I have! I fucked her hard, too. Everything was nearly the same as fucking a haired chick, except the cleanup from when I came on her head was predictably easier for her, and for some reason she shouted, “Who loves ya, baby!” when she had an orgasm.

FetishMuse.com site is patrolled by something called a Kummimonster. A Kummimonster is apparently a bald, half Irish, half Korean fetish model. Actually — she’s not as bad as it sounds…except for the bald part. But she does wear a lot of crazy wigs from time to time as she get tied up and has objects shoved into her cunt.

Here’s the real downer — no videos on FetishMuse. There are tens of thousands of artsy, high quality fetish photos — most of them really really fantastic — but no fancy moving pictures. I need some movement to get off. Pics are for cavemen.

$20 will get you a monthly to this here Fetish Muse, which is not too bad if you can dig only photos of an international fetish sensation. Not for me, but hey — knock yourself out.

6 out of 10

Visit FetishMuse.com

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Faith 69 Website Review

by The Devil (admin)

Her glasses make the outfit.

Her glasses make the outfit.

The site: faith69.com

The price:$12.95 per month

The verdict: I cannot stress enough how rare it is to come across a “mom & pop” site that is as good as Faith69. There are a handful, but some of those are falling by the wayside as well, mainly due to the ladies getting out of the biz. There’s no indication that Faith has any intention of doing that any time soon. It’s truly one of the great amateur sites out there. 10 out of 10.

Rating: ★★★★★★★★★★ (10/10)

To join, click here:www.faith69.com

I gotta be honest — I don’t dig on the 69 maneuver too much. I’m sure it’s great for some, but I have to focus my attention on doing one thing great, and one thing only. If that one thing is eating a sloppy puss, then the more I can concentrate and the harder that chick’s legs are gonna flail about. Conversely, if I get to steer all of my attention to getting my dick sucked to the best of my ability, I will blow cum through the back of that bitch’s skull. It’s gotta be one or the other for me to bring my A game.

Not so, apparently, for Faith 69. This horny housewife runs her own site (aptly named Faith69.com), and does a fucking grade A job. That, on top of performing a mean 69 amongst other sex acts with numerous guys, makes her a minimum of 1,000 times more effective than I am at just about everything. Go figure.

Faith runs the kind of site that gets me more excited than any other type of site on cyber-Earth — IF it’s run well. And Faith’s is DEFINITELY run well. Tons of updates (TWICE a fucking week!!), excellent quality (but still an amateur feel, which is ideal), lots of different partners (guys and gals alike) and even different fetishes.

Plus, the fucking price will floor you. $12.95 for an entire month. Shit — that’s the price of some trial periods on some sites. And those sites are generally big piles of dumped, thoughtless DVDs. Faith69 is 100% original, extremely personal and well tended to. This is more than a smut site to Faith — it’s her life and her lifestyle. She cares, and you can tell. Oh — and you can also get an entire THREE months for $30, the price of 1 month at most sites. And guess what? Those memberships rebill EVEN LOWER ($10 for the 30 day, after the first 30 days and $24.95 for the 90 day, after the first 90).

In addition to the pics and videos, she also has live cams, a huge archive of videos, all emails personally answered by Faith herself and, the real biggie, Member meet and greets. That’s right — you actually get to interact with Faith in person.

I cannot stress enough how rare it is to come across a “mom & pop” site that is as good as Faith69. There are a handful, but some of those are falling by the wayside as well, mainly due to the ladies getting out of the biz. There’s no indication that Faith has any intention of doing that any time soon. It’s truly one of the great amateur sites out there.

10 out of 10

Visit Faith69.com

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