Funny Matters.

To join, click here:www.allgirlmobile.com

You know what I like about porno lesbians? That you can’t tell they’re ditch lickers until they actually start to tongue wrestle with another chick. In real life, I can usually spot a lesbian from across the health food store. I think it’s the excitement of getting hit with a total curveball when you think she’s just a straight, cock loving hottie and all of a sudden she’s kissing and cunt munching on some other chick. THAT’s the shit that makes lesbo porn so fucking great.

And now that you can take it ANYWHERE on Earth (except probably Haiti — what, too soon?) it’s even better. Take about ten minutes to surf AllGirlMobile.com from your smart phone and you’ll see what the fuck I’m talking about. It’s a site specifically designed for mobile devices that ties together TONS of lesbian sites into one handy spot.

Do this — go to All Girl Mobile and get a $1 trial. It will last for an entire 24 hours, which is more than enough time to get to know what the site is about AND to slap out 7 or 8 loads of baby batter. If you like it, $20 will get you a full month. Shit, $40 will get you THREE full months. Not bad considering the way you can take it and rank it anywhere.

Did you ever really think you’d be able to access dozens of porn sites, in one place, and at the same time in ANY place? I can sit in a hotel room in Rochester, Minnesota or on a soccer field in London — doesn’t fucking matter. Either place I can take out my smart phone, dial up AllGirlMobile, pull out my hang down and go to town looking at some of the finest lipstick lesbians on the planet eating the insides out of each other through their respective vaginas.

And you thought you had to die to go to heaven?

9 out of 10

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To join, click here:www.mobilemales.com

Jesus…just think back 15 years ago. It was the year 1995. Cars were square looking, computers were big and clunky and you barely had a cell phone. And if you did, it was probably a bag phone or one actually attached to the inside of your car. Now you can fucking tap on a 4.5 inch by 2.4 inch screen and milk your cock to hot guys in the blink of an eye. Amazing.

Not only have we evolved technically, but physically as people we’ve evolved. Want proof? Go check out Ron Jeremy, circa 1983. Now go to MobileMales.com on your smart phone and check out the studs on that site. Big fucking difference, huh? God damned right there is. And there are over a THOUSAND DVDs available at your fingertips (literally), with at least 2 of those gorgeous guys in every one of them.

These are mainstream sort of gay porn videos — studio porn if you will. You can tap on your favorite niche, or favorite studio — whatever you like. This shit is easier than you could have ever imagined 15 — hell FIVE years ago. It’s really amazing, too, when you see how smoothly the videos run, how clear they are and how fast they are. No jerky motion (besides your OTHER arm).

Here’s something that’s also advanced: $19.95 for an entire MONTH of unlimited porn. Thousands of DVDs for less than $20. And don’t go knocking the fact that they are on a mobile site until you try it. I just cranked one out to Mobile Males in the bathroom of this Whole Foods that I’m walking through right now. Plus, you can get a $1, 1 day trial, so there’s something else you can not scoff at.

Excellent mobile landing spot with tons of full length DVDs. Out of this world.

9 out of 10

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To join, click here:www.imalespectrumpass.com

Have you ever been in a club with your eye on a smoking hot guy and just gotten so horny you wish you could go take care of yourself right then and there, but once you got to the bathroom stall it was hard to get off because you weren’t staring directly at a hot guy at the time? Of course you have, silly! Now you can have your cock and eat it too, so to speak.

Over 1,000 mobile rockets in your pocket! That’s what they say on iMaleSpectrumPass.com. They’re clever, aren’t they? They’re also hot. And buff. And cheap. And, oh shit…I could go on and on. I think I will!

iMale Spectrum Pass is fantastic. It’s been featured on CNBC, Time and PC Mag. I did not see those features myself, but I bet they said something like, “If you fuckers want to know where to get tons of videos of gorgeous guys who love the cock, iMaleSpectrumPass is your place!” Ok…maybe a toned down version of that. But still — read between the lines! This shit is solid.

And cheap, too. $19.95 for a regular monthly, $39.95 for 3 months (that’s a free month in case you’re not a math whiz), and you can even get one day for one dollar — a great way to stick your toe in the water, or just to get one night of hotel room fun when you’re out of town.

You’d better get in on the mobile porn craze on the ground floor — before everyone starts to catch on that it’s too good of a deal and they start to jack up the prices. Now’s the time, if you ask me. iMale Spectrum is a damn fine place to start.

8 out of 10

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To join, click here:ipornopass.com

Check this shit out — I got an iPhone for Xmas, and I just now beat off with it for the first time ever! No…not like that. I didn’t use the phone to rub my cock and balls all over (although I wonder how the touch screen would react to such a heat missile being rubbed all over it?). I mean, I used it to watch videos on mobile porn sites, whilst stroking my fleshy shaft. It was much, much more erotic than I thought it would be. Especially considering that I was grocery shopping at the same time.

iPornoPass.com is your portal to — get this — over FIVE THOUSAND professionally done, studio porno DVDs, all in once place. Your hand. No, not that hand. That hand is where your cock is. I mean the OTHER hand. 5,000 porn DVDs right there in that hand for you to look at, and schmeg off to, wherever you are. God fucking damn it’s a great time to be alive, huh?

The membership fee for iPornoPass is only $19.95 per month. That’s about ten bucks cheaper than you’d pay for a non-mobile site of the same caliber. They also have a $1 trial that will give you a full day of fuck videos. So, if you’re sitting there with a 5 hour layover in Detroit right now, I say you spend the buck and get it on. God knows it’s the cheapest fucking thing you can do in an airport, and the most entertaining to boot!

I love the new wave of porn. I was as skeptical as you are right now — I promise you that. But I can now say I’m 100% on board with mobile porn. And fuck — how much fucking cheaper is it to pay $20 per month and get 5,00 movies, rather than $12 per MOVIE in the hotel? It’s a fucking no-brainer.

8.5 out of 10

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To join, click here:www.ipinkvisualpass.com

This is our very first review of a mobile porn site. Welcome to the future, you perverted motherfuckers! Pretty soon our cocks will be made out of titanium and able to shoot wads of gold cum over 7 miles. Yes we will. It’s true — I read about it on the internet. Google that shit!

Wait — before you do, you should get your ass on your smart phone, if you aren’t already, and check out this site, ipinkvisualpass.com. It’s a site by a stellar network, Top Bucks, that allows you access to TONS of mobile content on tons of niche sites for LESS THAN $20 per month. Obviously, that’s below the normal going rate of a “passport” site like this (usually $30 or so). And they even have a $1 trial for day — something we always suggest when it’s available.

iPinkVisualPass is basically a passport to about 20 niche sites. They’re also cheaper than a non-mobile site (as mentioned above) and they give you extra shit that you can’t get on your regular computer — like sex game apps and wallpapers.

If you’re a traveler, or just want to check out some beef curtains and floppy tits on your commute, at the doctor’s office or during your offspring’s Spring play, iPink Visual Pass is definitely a damn fine way to go.

9 out of 10

Visit IPinkVisualPass.com