Old enough to know better, too young to care.
Today’s for those of you that have a hankering to stick your Hard Johnny into something aged. No, not a wheel of Gouda – a mature woman. A mature woman who knows how to send your cock into the exosphere, before making it explode like the fucking Challenger! What – too soon?
Aunt Judy’s has been around for longer than you’ve been whacking your pud – she’s knows what kind of trim you want.
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Take those panties off so I can smell ya stank!
Might as well wrap up the week with Latinas, since we’ve gone black and Asian this week as well.
I’ve never been to Argentina, but I damn sure want to go. I’ve hear tale of vagina-lined streets, cock-milking pubs and prostate-massaging police officers. It’s a pussy nirvana.
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There are 7 boners hiding in this picture. Can you find them?
Have you ever beat off so hard that your cock turtled itself up inside of you for a week and wouldn’t come out no matter how many Vaseline baths you offered it? Well…you’re about to.
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WTF? Is that a still shot of a sitcom?
I’ve always wanted to fuck a black chick, but never had the opportunity. I spray painted my old lady black once, right before I fucked her. It just wasn’t the same. It was like fucking Ted Danson while he was in blackface. Ewww….I fucked Sam Malone….
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You can lead a lesbian to dick, but you can't make her suck.
Hmmm…I am not sure about this one. I am definitely NOT an uptown guy. I chew tobacco, like the smell of my farts and am genetically obligated to sniff my fingers each and every time I finger a new piece of pussy. I wonder if real uptown chicks like to go slumming from time to time like they do in the movies? If so, I will change my name to Ponyboy, run with the Greasers and snag a piece of 5th Avenue ass.
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You'd better take you a deep breath, Bitch.
Like any good father, it’d be horrific to find out your daughter was getting fucked on the internet. But let’s just assume you could get over that part — let’s assume that she was on a classy, love making site called CaressingAndCuddling.com or SoftIntimateLoveMaking.com. It’d be tough, but you could handle it, right? Now…what if she showed up on today’s site — Whore Gaggers? Jesus Christ…some Dad out there is sick to his stomach right now. Hey Pops — on the bright side your daughter is the BEST at taking a dick so far down her throat that she fucking pukes on a stranger’s cock!
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Strange looking pencil sharpener...
Remember that little ditty? Me too. It’s fucking racist. Every time I hear it, it makes me want to go out and fuck the shit out of a lovely Asian gal as a way of saying sorry.
“I’m sorry, my little Asian blossom – sorry for ever having spewed such filth. Here – have my seed (on your face) as a token of my regret.”
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"Well, I admit - it's pretty fucking gross that I just found this molded Twinkie wedged underneath your arm. That being said...I'm still gonna fuck you."
I love me some meat. I’ve conquered more fat bitches than Jillian Michaels. I once fucked a chick so disgustingly fat, when I took her pants off I smelled a pungent mix of summer roadkill and portabella mushrooms. I still fucked her, AND ate that pussy. Why? I’ve fucked and forgotten a ton of regular sized chicks. Nothing for the scrapbook. But her? I’ll remember pushing that tank up Normandy for as long as I live.
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You're about to witness a crime.
Only in the world of internet porn can they make something that would normally be used to BUST a pervert into something that one of you dong-rattlers can use to barf your dong to. Security Cam Chronicles is a collection of well-faked security cam vids of people fucking in various places. Enjoy it, you sneaky fuck.
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"What awaits me out there in the great big world? Oh yeah - porn."
Sometimes you just have to shit can the camcorder tape of Ma & Pa diddling each others goodies on the brown couch and let the pros handle you masturbatory experience. Although I dig amateur porn, I am the first to admit that when you want a stunningly beautiful gal getting her plastic tits hammered by a monster cock – professional porn is the way to go.
Twistys is a god damn fine place to get your rocks off. Exceptional talent, perfect videos, great rates – it’s all there.
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