I like beating off, but I LOVE getting beaten off. I had a former co-worker tell me that a handjob from a chick was basically useless and that if he wanted that, he could do it himself. Not true, I said. How in the FUCK are you going to have all ten of your fingers up your ass and still beat yourself off? Not possible, motherfucker. HUGE hole in your theory.
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If I was the one that made that cum, there'd be so much that bitch would need a snorkel to get out of the bedroom alive.
Do your balls have anything to do with getting your dick hard? I think mine do. I believe that my ball sack houses a separate brain that controls the actions of my dong. I am pretty sure that my cock has no brain in it. And my head-brain obviously has no control over my dick, since my dick regularly gets hard in situations my head-brain knows are completely inappropriate (like any time I happen upon Benny Hinn healing someone on the religion channel).
Or, like any time I see a huge set of udders. Although I have been known to prefer the smaller tits, I do love the big ones time and again. And when I mean big ones, I mean BIG and fucking real. Skip the fake globes – those are for assholes. Big and natural – that’s the way my balls like it.
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Ever heard of Wanted List? Fuckin’ A right you have. And if you haven’t, well then – now’s the time.
It’s been called the Netflix of Porn. Yeah, I know – not very fucking clever. But the point is, you pick a fuck flick, they send it to you, you whag off to it (preferably not sperming on the DVD or envelope), then send it back. Give your cock an ice bath and wait for the next round of smut to hit your mail box. Fucking stellar.
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Cut this picture out, tape it to your hand - then fuck it.
I know we pimp her out a lot, but god dammit – it’s worth it. Housewife Kelly is in the top 3 pieces of amateur ass in all of the cyber-verse. If you haven’t beat off to her, then your cock is being neglected and should be taken away from you by the State.
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Artist's rendition of what my cock currently looks like.
Because I fucking forgot to do it, okay? Christ — when you spend an average of 17 hours per day thinking about pussy, it sometimes slips your mind to throw a little work into the mix as well. In the words of the immortal Yosemite Sam – “Back Off!”
I’ve been on a WILD motherfucking mastur-bender over the last 24 hours. I have been jacking off, non-stop, to Back Room Casting Couch. It is one of the greatest things I have ever laid balls on. I ran out of lube hours ago, but in the state I’m currently in, I don’t have the balance and/or respiratory endurance to make it to the nearest store to stock up. It hurts – I’ll tell you that much. My cock looks like the blood-soaked larva of one of the worm-like killing creatures featured in the Kevin Bacon classic, “Tremors.”
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"Now you go on and remember to wipe completely next time, or you're gonna get it again!"
Mondays hurt, but not as much as getting your ass worked over until it looks like the tail end of a zoo baboon. Luckily, this site is women whipping other womens asses. If guys were getting the business, it would hit to close to home for me and I probably wouldn’t be able to get a nut.
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A mountie in more ways than one.
The Great Canadian Male is for those of you that like dick. And Canadians. Canadian dick, to be exact.
I wonder – does Canadian dick taste like Canadian bacon? Probably not, since regular dick doesn’t taste like regular bacon. But what if…?
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Horny Asian
Fucking Asians are ALWAYS thinking about sex, man. I love it. Evidence? The name of the currency in Vietnam is the “dong.” How fucking rock solid is that? Damn — if it weren’t for that whole spat that we had back in the late 60s, I’d go over there to visit, just so I could say things like, “How many dongs is that bible?” and, “Brother, can you spare a dong?” and even, “Excuse me, sir…I’d like to give your daughter some dongs.”
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I cant be certain, but I am betting that a lot of you like chicks with big tits. Am I right, or am I right? Thought so.
There’s this chick in cyber space named Anna. She’s got those big, fat tits that you just want to wind up and unload some hay makers on. And she also likes the black dick.
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5 Second rule! You can still eat it!
I am firmly convinced that a really good photographer’s talents are rivaled only by those of a magician. And I’m not talking a puffy-shirted, big-haired Vegas piece of shit magician, either. I mean a motherfucker that can shoot real magic out of his ass. A truly great photographer can take a picture of Janet Reno eating out the ass end of a menstruating dairy cow and make it look good enough for the Pope to get a nut inside of 60 seconds.
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